Toby day

Drove 120 miles round trip this morning and picked up Toby our newest member of the family, he is currently fast asleep on his new bed. To say it's strange to have a dog in the house is an understatement, the last pet we had was a cat which until knocked down by 'J' had been with us for over 10 years but as we all know cats are independent and don't really need a lot of attention all they want is food, cat flap to go out when ever they want and a lap to sleep on when required.

So far Toby has peed and pooped in the wrong place but as he's only 8 weeks old i'll forgive him, for today anyway. He really like MSM and follows her everywhere and as soon as she went for her shower this evening he curled up on the sofa and fell asleep. 'J' has just put him to bed.

Talking to the breeder today she wanted us to have in in the bedroom until he was used to his new surroundings, yer right no chance we are starting the way we mean to go on, he lives under the breakfast bar and the kitchen door is closed until he is trained then I may let him have access to the lounge & hall way when we are not around, when we are here he gets ful run except the bedrooms, am I being harsh?

The weather is bad, rain and heavy cloud well am I glad to be back in Wales NOT!! the outlaws go over to the house on Monday for a few weeks and boy am I tempted to get a late flight to join them. Anyway glad to see Dan is back with a huge post, god he's away for weeks and comes back with a bang, good on yer Dan!!

I may take photos tomorrow for you all to see Toby the Llahsa Apso aged 8 weeks and 3/4.

Hola soy detrás de mis hols

For those not a Spanish freak " Hello I'm back from my hols" well does three weeks go quick or what! I'm sitting here thinking back to three weeks ago when I was just getting on the plane ready for the 8pm take off. Slight delay due to the security issues in the UK but 45mins is nothing compared to friends who were going to Florida 13hrs!!

I'm not going to go through the whole three weeks tonight suffice to say I was not coming back, 'J' had to physically drag me back into the airport as I was set to live the rest of my life in Spain.

Why? well lets say 31o wall to wall sunshine, really great people life is soooo laid back. Evening meals start at 8pm and still going at 1am plenty of food drink and entertainment.

We hired a car and spent three wonderful weeks driving around the real Spain stopping in villages, driving over mountains with the most beautiful scenery you've ever seen, I took Zip photos don't ask why the camera was with us but did not think about it once so none on this visit but never mind will probably be back over there in December for Christmas.

My pet hate whilst I was in Spain was 'THE BRITS' what an arrogant bunch of twats we are, it hit me early on when people were winging about this that and the other, I did not find any brits who had a positive word to say about anything, one couple were even complaining that it was too sunny.... Now you can see why I wanted to stay, the Spanish are great people and if you learn the language a little they really go out of their way to help you.

Our next door neighbours (in Spain) are what I call old school Spanish they are late 50's and from Madrid this house is their holiday home we had many meals with them and I tried to learn how to speak real Spanish which was fun, hours of laughter and plenty of read wine.

MSM has made friends in Spain over the years and luckily for us they were out at the same time so she was well happy out and about with them, surfing, snorkelling and of course the swimming pool.

This is a typical day out in Spain for us:

10am - Rise and shower.
11am - Late breakfast on the roof terrace
12pm - Jump in car and get on to the open road
12.05pm pull map out and let 'J' navigate
Normally we would just take turnings when we felt like it and see where we end up I would put a max time of 2hrs driving so no one gets board being stuck in a car. Doing it this way was a real adventure not knowing where we were going and what we would see, all I can say is that we saw the real Spain no holiday makers where we were.

6pm (Approx) Arrive back home & shower and start evening meal.
9.30pm try and finish evening meal so we could pop down the pub for a drink
1am arrive home and settle down with the neighbours for more drinks and talking
3am Time for bed well maybe another hour!!

Talking to the Spanish they say that their typical day starts at 6am when they go to work finish at 2pm sleep until around 5pm then prepare meal and socialise there after until 1am and that's it. There is no rush in Spain nothing is done urgently regardless what it is, it's always tomorrow. I can confirm that as the build of the house was over a year behind schedule but that's how they work. I love it.

Anyway I'm back safe and well it's sunny here although getting dark at 8.15pm and we are going to pick up our new dog tomorrow 'Toby' another member of the family to discuss on my blog. I'm catching up on my favourite blogs although I'm sure Dan was not with me on holiday but by the looks of it he was on strike or missing me ;o)

Joansy how's the celebdaq doing?

A littel worried

Well this is my last post for a while as I'm off to Spain tomorrow, due to the goings on with the airports I'm a little worried to say the least but as the in laws said today if it's your time to go then so be it!! arghhh I hate flying at the best of times but now it's 10 times worse, I'm convincing myself that the security is so tight now it should be the safest trip I'll ever have and I'm going to Spain not America.

It's not working though. I won't let the bastards get to me I won't I won't I won't, bring it on!!

Anyway here's to a good flight.

If you don't see a post by September then you know what's happened.

Tuesday hummmm........

Yes, Yes, Yes, those idiots backed down and the case that I was working on is now finished and not before time. I WIN (Again).

It's been a lovely day down here today blue sky's warm breeze almost a shame I'll be leaving these shores in a few days. Yeah right! as if.

Why do people talk behind peoples backs? I had a conversation with someone today and they made some snide comments (in jest) but unfortunately it got to me not that I let that person know this but it hurt and got me thinking, I'm a straight talking kind of guy and I'm up front so you either like me or not, better to be honest. But I don't like people who on the face of it like you but really all they are trying to do is gather enough info to go and have a bitch session behind your back. What a shame.

Okay I listen to BBC Radio 2 and I get to hear Mr Wogan on the way to the office with a little bit of Ken Bruce but my fav has to be Chris Evans and he has started a new blog, go check it out, not bad for first attempt not sure if he'll keep it so personal though.

Day from HELLLLLLLLL!!!!

What a stressful day today, dealing with receivers for a supplier today and lets just say they were a bunch of pricks. One minute they agree to what I propose the next they change their minds, I lost it on the phone and told them if it's not sorted by tomorrow then the police will be informed and I'll let them deal with it. 10 Days trying to sort this out and still getting no where.

Usually these events are all in the bag after two days but I'm sure this firm has never handled a receivership case in their life before as they have not got a clue what they are doing.

Missing Dan's blogs so come on Dan get well NOW so I can follow on from your posts as I'm running out of things to say.

MSM back down her Grampy's today playing spy kids, she watched the movie for the hundredth time and we bought her a spy kit from Tesco yesterday and she thinks she's the B's n E's.

Getting a little worried about my old business partner for www.librautomotive.co.uk as I have not heard from him in a month, last I heard his grand daughter wash taken to hospital with breathing problems. I hope she's OK. I think I drop him an email to check all is well.

That's it for today I'm still to stressed to type much more, I hope tomorrow is better.

Here's Toby

After weeks of thinking of dogs names on the way to visiting the puppy and his brothers and Mum & Dad MSM blurted out "what about Toby" well I like the name but 'J' was not as convinced, although when we finally got to the house it was agreed that Toby will be our new dogs name.

So here are some pictures of Toby with MSM. Toby is now 4 weeks old and we will be bringing him home on the weekend September 2/3rd when he will be just 8 weeks old.

















I am a little concerned that his is the smallest of the three and that he is being both Hand fed as well as with mum due to his size, the breeder says that all three have had first vet checks and have been given the all clear, Toby will have another vet check before they let us take him home, so we'll see how much he grows over the next few weeks.


















We met both his Mum & Dad and they were both really well behaved, and enjoyed a good fuss. They were quiet and relaxed around us although Mum was being very careful watching what we were doing with the baby and coming up now and again to check on him which was great to see.
















Toby's Mum is called Sox and she is 6 years old and this litter was her final one this is her fourth and was an accident. She will now spend her time with her grandchildren.

So now we have to start to prepare for Toby, we have bought small things like dishes and some soft toys, but with MSM around I think those two will be having lots of fun together, and when Toby gets to meet Bailey who is a relative who lives across the street then he will be really happy.

What a night

Well the meal was fantastic, service was excellent, first time I have been to a restaurant and they approached us within 2mins, order taken and drinks at the table within 5mins starters 5mins later and main course moments after the starter. The place was quite busy as well, but we stayed for nearly two hours as it was so relaxing and the food was great.

We then headed to the movies where I had pre booked Premier seats, these are the larger seats with high backs and wide arms all for an extra £1 it was great, and guess what..... we say a Pirate film Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl well it was brilliant, the special effects were great and the make up was fantastic, can't wait for number 3, oh for those who have not seen the film there will be a 3rd this one ends on a cliff hanger.

Got back home at 12.45AM yes it's a long film 2.5hrs today I suffered too much red wine and long movie make Mark very tired, couldn't really get much work done although I did try honest.

MSM is back with us and as brown as ever, seems she had a great time in Lanzerote. Only 7 days to go and this time next week I'll be on the plane. Grreeaatt (I hate flying so any tips on how to enjoy 2hrs of this I'm all ears).

News on the Murder case I posted earlier in the week, they have arrested her husband and another woman and they appeared in court this morning. News story. Not much I can say about this apart from disbelief and horror that a person so close to her would be the prime suspect.

Day late oops!

Ah sorry, went and played Golf last night to try and clear my head, it's good to take some time out and relax, although only a few days now and I'm in Spain probably on the sun terrace with my feet up. Yeah right with MSM to contend with we'll spend most of the time either round the local so she can play with her Spanish friends, or in the swimming pool. At a stretch it could be the beach.

Anyway a week has flown past again MSM due back from Lanzerote early hours of tomorrow morning so have decided to take yet another evening off from work and take 'J' for a Italian and a movie. Not sure what to watch but not worried gets me out the house that's the main thing.

I will however have to complete the now way overdue project by early next week so they can start testing whilst I'm away.

I promise that I will not touch politics ever again it's not me, I'm pretty crap at writing and will never make a novelist. I'm pretty good at project notes, reports etc. but that's only cos it's work and I have to do them, sitting at home in the office just does not have the same ring to it and my written skills for some unknown reason leaves me the minute I walk out of the office.

Anyway I'm off to do a little work before 'J' gets home. Oh it's Sunny and warm again which is really good but I noticed on the golf course last night that the evenings are drawing in already. God it was only yesterday that the clocks went back please let us have light evenings ALL the time I get sooo depressed when it's dark at 5pm.

All good! ;o)

Following on fro Dan's Blog

Well I have decided to take a break from work as it was not going to plan, rather than mess it up I've learnt over the years to switch off the PC and walk away, so now I'm sat in the lounge on my trusty laptop putting fingers to keys.

Following on from Dan's blog and the way 'PC' (Political Correctness) has gone wrong in the UK, like Dan I don't like discussing politics or religion as I don't think these topics should be aired on such a place however Dan did hit a topic which does hit the right nerve for me to air my views. That is Children and how they behave and why do they get away with it time and time again.

I reflect back to my school days when we respected our teachers and adults. The threat of the cane was there if you misbehaved badly enough then you were hauled in to the headmaster’s office for a stern telling off and possibly the cane. I admit I never had the cane but I have been in the head masters office on a few occasions and I have seen the cane on his desk. The threat was enough for me to behave for a while there after.

Today however children have no idea of what the cane is and even scoff at the idea, their attitude being that you can't touch me or what are you going to do about it? We hear this so often these days’ teachers can do NOTHING. Question who was the idiot who decided to pull teachers rights to punish children? Did they not realise that children are here to stretch boundaries that's how we learnt right from wrong. If there is no real punishment in our schools how are children going to learn. Did my generation turn out that bad that we had to change the way teachers discipline their pupils?

I admit that the majority of children are well behaved and learn from their parents but we are now seeing the young adults who went through school not having real discipline having children and listening to them in the school play ground really opens my eyes to their attitude to life and other people, lets just say I'm worried, I have seen them with my own eyes telling their kids "Don't worry love the teacher can't do anything to you". WHAT!! is this the way we really want to teach our children do what you like because no one will do anything until it's too late and the police are involved.

Now just to clarify I'm not saying to cane every child for doing wrong but the thought of the cane is enough for 99% of children and I'm not condoning smacking however I bet we have all had a smack when we were younger I know I did and it hasn't damaged me.

We need to step back and re evaluate what politicians have done over the past 15 years and look at how young people are behaving these days thanks to their eagerness to have their names put to new acts of parliament.

Anyway this topic can go on and on but someone somewhere must re look at how we are dealing with unruly children and to get the respect to adults back to where it should be. Watching a local programme about Cardiff Prison over 70% of inmates were under 25 years old does that suggest something?

Not going to plan

Things in the home office just not going to plan a deadline is now here and the application has just fallen apart due to PDF system I needed, hopefully I will be back tomorrow......

On a lighter note

Madonna was in the Millennium stadium last night for the first leg of her European confessions tour, alas I did not spend £80+ for a ticket although a load went from the office, the reports are not that good, seems that it was more a theatre show than a rock concert and that there was an hour and a half wait between support band (only the One, and he was a DJ friend of you know who).

The gig was marred by lots of breaks for costume changes and basically was not worth £80, but they did say her singing was great if you like her new album as she only sang three old songs. There I got the low down, I have her new Live album and free DVD so I'm sorted oh and I saved £80 (The CD was bought with left over xmas vouchers for Virgin sorry Ms Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone or Mrs Ritchie.

Just had a look for Wembley and they are looking for £110 - £160 NO WAY!!

Stick with a new up and coming group 'chip shop boys' AKA the Minge & XWiz go get em boys you never know Madonna may support you one day!! ;)

Dan I think this may knock you off the number one spot with your "Yar Har fiddle-de-dee"
Shiver me timbers!

Very sad day

A young woman who I am aware of was Murdered over the weekend, it is very sad and makes me very angry that you cannot live happily and safely anywhere these days, the area she lived in is a new private estate in a quite suburb of Swansea. What has gone wrong with the world we live in, why is it that crime and war is on the increase? and to what end?

My sympathies to her Husband and her family.

Wozzz upppppp True True

Why do we spend less money on weekly shop when kids are not here, I saved £30 today!!

Hope you like my new clock thought it would go well with yesterdays time issues I was having, finally got to bed at 1.45am but back to normal today up at 8.30am and done all the usual house work. One day I'll do something less boring instead (Name that children’s TV show from the 80's).

Nothing much happened today so a small blog.

What time is it?

OK now I'm getting back to normal had evening meal at 9pm and just finished watching another DVD 'Last holiday' with Queen Latifa, what a good film just what I needed on a wet Saturday night, Dan the rain will be with you soon, and it's great walking outside with no coat on and still warm great!!

Now watching Bone Collector on TV seen it loads of times but still a good movie to watch. 'J' sat next to me eating a pasta snack wondering what I'm doing on the laptop as she knows nothing about my blog, trying to explain it to her but the blank look on her face says it all, stick with the pasta baby..

Hopefully I will be back to normal tomorrow, up early ready for shopping at Tesco and cleaning the office as it really needs doing, also I need to finish my way overdue project as I did not do much last week due to my brain freeze, which alas I still have but reading everyones blogs is no excuse for slacking, so next week less blogging and more work...... Yeah Right.

Won't be doing that again

It's now 6.30pm and my body is telling me it's lunch time... oh I'm so out of sync. So if any of you fancy having a long lay in or watch a movie in bed be warned it messes up your body clock, I think I may still be blogging well into the early hours.

Just finished scrubbing the kitchen from top to bottom, cupboards, floor, everywhere now taking a break and will start on the lounge, 'J' is ironing which is one department I will not do, If I have to do ironing it gets thrown in a bag and taken to the ironing lady for £10 best £10 ever spent.

It's still pouring down outside and a bloke just walked past singing 'Singing in the rain' great to see a little water and if it gives people the idea to sing bring it on! (He had a good voice).

Was going out for a meal tonight and a movie but with both of us working so hard in the house and it being 6.30pm in the evening and pouring down, I feel that we won't get out today.

Oi what time is it?

Okay it's 2.45pm and just showered and dressed, it's raining quite hard and I've basically had the most laziest day so far in all my life.

Last night we got two DVD's from blockbuster I let 'J' choose this time round 'Memoirs of a Geisha' and 'Mr & Mrs Smith.' On the way back home we stopped off for a Chinese take away, A meal for two special deal.

We started watching 'Memoirs of a Geisha' and to be honest I was not looking forward to it, but eating a Chinese and watching an oriental themed film sounded good, and it had won all those Oscars so it must be worth the effort.

'Memoirs of a Geisha' Brilliant that's all I have to say about that... (In Forest Gump talk) but unfortunately the Chinese did not sit right with me, woke up at 4am on the dot feeling icky so went to the bathroom just in case. Got back to bed just as the sun was rising, brought on anxiety attack and stress as I hate being ill so was kicking myself a bit for that, next I knew it was 10am wow where did those 6 hours go.

'J' had woken up a few moments before and brought up a cup of tea she then proceeded to put 'Mr & Mrs Smith' on so we laid back sipping morning tea and watching an action movie. Well the film was a good laugh predictable but for early morning viewing was good. But I loved the kick back, no work, no Child to deal with and no schedule to follow, I have not had a day like this since I was a student, I think you all know what I talking about there.

I have decided if I become a millionaire or when I retire there will be NO clocks in the house, my life will not run to schedules.

So that's my excuse for being a lazy git and doing very little this Saturday although I do feel a little guilty for doing it not sure why.

It's that FRIDAY feeling

Yee Ha Friday, well almost anyway, 'J' had no luck with a B&B so looks like we are stuck at home for the weekend, I fancy a meal and movie but physically I'm knackered and just can't get motivated to do anything at the moment.

Pretty quite day today, no goss except that email has been referred to the BIG boss to deal with.

I may post later depends what mood I'm in certainly not a great one at the mo.

Woof Woof

Okay, here they are pictures of the little fella also pictures of what he will look like when he's older. Now before you say he's a small dog I wanted a Labrador but unfortunately our house and garden are just not big enough but this little fella will fit perfectly.

Now I have loads of names on a list that 'J' and MSM have put together but I'm open to suggestions so let me have them you never know you could pick THE name for our newest member of the family. How do you spell the breed again a Lasa Apso... no Lahsa Apso... No Lhasa Apso ..... yes a Tibetan Monk watch dog.


Here he is at 3 weeks old:

Now this is what he will look like at 12mths




















And as a full grown adult can't belive that a pup with such dark colours end up being a 'Brindle' which I am told by the breeder is White and Grey like this chap.

Life is a box of.....

Anything you like really.

MSM is now at the airport waiting to fly out, oh ang on..... nope she just took off so MSM is now in the air, how I know this I live only a mile or so from the Airport and can see the planes take off and her's is bang on time. I sit here smiling to myself as we have this habit that when we take off we wave out of the window when we see the house.

So I'm alone all quite 'J' is not due home till 7 ish as she is going with work mates for a birthday drink.

I'm very laid back any more so and I would be horizontal and I like the idea of a good group of friends of both sexes and at the moment I have a female friend who is going through the mill a bit and I offered a sympathetic ear and sent over my MSN user so she can add me and we could talk, well last night she did just that added me to her MSN. Alas 'J' does not think the same way as me and she was sat here looking at the puppy pictures when low and behold my friends name appears oh and picture.

Well lets just say it went very quiet and if looks could kill I'd be dead in a split second. What makes matters worse is that 'J' works for the same company as me and sits 4 desks over from my friend. It took me about three hours of talking to get her to calm down and accept that men can have female friends as well as male and not have to take the female kind to bed.

So an interesting evening but still I'm a little confused after over 14 Years together 12 of them married should she not be past this stage?

Anyway enough for the moment there was other stuff but brain freeze so back to work and I may post another later.

Yar Har fiddle-de-dee NOOOOOOO!

That's bloody addictive, for those not in the know Dan has put up the full version of the pirate song that's all I'm going to say about that.....

Right no more pirate stuff here, officially PIRATE FREE.

Right lets get down to it, got an email today in office from big boss company gone bust I look after all problems and issues but boss decided to help me out. "I have requested a data report for the past 30 days transactions to help you sort out the issue" (Edited version of course).

Reply from stats bloke: here is the report you wanted.

My Reply: The data is showing far to many transactions for 30 days?

Stats bloke: Oh it's over the past 5 years.

My reply: OK but we really need it over 30 Days

Stats bloke: Get over it

Now is it me or his is last comment out of line?

I sat there for 10 mins mulling the response in my mind, have I said something wrong here? anyway over to you guys let me know what you think. (Due to the nature of the post it may be removed very soon so quick answers...

Do what you want cos a pirate is free

Gee thanks Dan this tune is so addictive, well pretty ordinary day today apart from trying to advise someone on the best course of action and the prat insisting that his way was better. How so I asked when all the data you have produced is incorrect? "Oh well that's because the users are typing in the address wrong" me "Why would they do that when it's automatically inserted when the selection is made" ah well..... he goes on and on in a complete circle but still as far as he's concerned he's still right.

That's why folks I now only work 4hrs to get away from idiots like that.

Now sat in my home office drinking tea and catching up on my friends blog although I am getting rather worried that a certain person has far too much time on his hands and finding stuff on the net that I could not find in a million years keep em coming though they are great!

MSM (Need to scroll to the bottom of the page) is going to Lanzerote tomorrow for a week with her Auntie so not sure how I will cope with out her giving me hugs and more hugs and wanting a bedtime story, I've told her that I will look after her army of teddies and that I'll take a few to work with me strictly on a rota basis of course can't be doing with favouritism.

Well I have finally circum to pressure I can officially announce that we are going to have a new member to the family after months of nagging from both J and MSM we are getting a puppy. I have been told that images of this said creature will be in my inbox later today, he's only 3 weeks old at the mo but as we are away for most of August he will be ready by the time we get back.

Oh joy another mouth to feed and my life as I know it is about to come to an end. More when I get the pictures.

36 Degrees and with open Windows

Well it is 36 degrees in the garden, no breeze just wall to wall sunshine although I'm hearing rumours that the rain is coming, I do like this weather I think I'm made for it, can't wait to go over to the other house in Spain in a few weeks to chill on the roof terrace and do some light work on the laptop.

Like my title 36 degrees is the weather link and open Windows is well..... the big meeting with Microsoft today, although we didn't get off to a good start as I entrusted a colleague to sort out the meeting room and refreshments etc. which he didn't do either so 10 mins before we were due to kick off no meeting room, no equipment, stress levels HIGH. It's the old saying if your going to do something make sure you do it yourself, delegation doesn't work.

Well it kicked off 45mins late but by the end everyone was hooked, ha another success!! I should do IT project management freelance I could have charged £300 per hour that would have been around £1,200 for this! not that I'm bitter about my sisters boyfriend honest!

The problem now is switching off, this is where I went wrong last time, I have this horrible habit of continuous thinking, you know the type the what if scenarios, how will it work, where do I start, my previous life I would have five or six projects running simultaneously so you can imagine how fast my brain was working, I'd be in a Restaurant having a meal and something would pop right in there and I'd have to send myself an email, or voicemail to remind myself to look into something, A note pad by the bed in case I woke up and had to write the issue down I can't, I won't go down that road again.

So all in all (is that good welengilsh?) a good day. Stress well I aint got any, anxiety very little. Need a strong drink YES PLEASE.

Celebdaq well I know a few friends Dan 'THE woMAN' and Joansy are keen players and I have been trying to get in on the action (Please let me join your league!!) I have just taken a look at mine note I have not been taking the game that serious so being number 21668 in the chart isn't that bad, although I have spread the risk a little thin buying blocks of 1000 across about 20 Caleb's anyone with insider dealings let me know!!

Thank god I'm not that bad with real shares ;)

P.S I hope Dan knows I'm joking. LOL

Computers who's idea

I'm stuck! I have been building an application using Access 2003 and it's just about ready to go to a client but I have hit a snag, the PDF programme I have running in the background does not like to select one report per record, I have found code that will I think solve the problem but my mind is currently dead and for the life of me I don't know where to begin inputting the code. Complete and utter brain freeze. (Over five days now).

Did not have a good nights sleep last night not sure if it's the weather or just me, I woke up about 10 times sometimes due to weird dreams, I've been having a few of those of late, not out there ones but people who I know and are either friends who I have not seen in a while (some over three years) and some work colleagues who I recently started working with again. Umm any dream bods out there who can give me a reading I'm up for finding out why the past is featuring so prominently in my sleep these days.

Reading Dans blog today and looks like he didn't get much sleep either but at least he's got his cats to blame for that.

So I'm sat in my home office trying to solve the computer programme issue but I don't think I'm going to crack this on my own so if any of you are good with MS Access and V.B then give me a shout I really need a hand.


Dan to answer your question about what I do, due to the problems petiteanglaise is having with her employers I can't say too much as I know they have looked in the past (web stats) I work as a project manager for a large Insurance company was full time but now only 4hrs a day plus I have access from home so I do work from here as well, I'm also a freelance IT & Web developer and have 3 long term contracts at the moment one which as you read earlier is causing me a bit of grief.

My sister rang me last night, note my family are not the best at keeping in touch, asked her when the last time she rang me her reply was "March 10th my birthday, and you rang me" oh so only four months or so later, and guess what she only rang to gloat that she is going to Cyprus in September and her boyfriend has a three month contract earning £300 per day doing internet marketing. £300 per day what!! this idiot has no idea how the internet works let alone do any sort of marketing for them, I gather it's for one of the large online gambling sites. How the hell did this Muppet blag his way into a job like that, he is normally a van driver for a delivery firm.

I remember him coming to me a few years back asking me to show him what the internet was and how you use it, they have no PC and my sister has just completed the basic PC user course in evening class. Just a gripe on how people blag and get away with it and get paid for their trouble £300 a day what tosh....

Hurting feet

Went to Tesco fun day today in Coopers field which is just behind Cardiff Castle, it was hot with a nice breeze blowing. MSM decided to climb the wall which is about 30ft tall, MSM opted for the hard side which unfortunately was a little too hard for her, but she had a really good attempt and managed to get half way up, but she kept trying without throwing a tantrum, I can visualize her free climbing around the world, she obviously follows me as I love climbing especially free climbing alas I have not climbed for over two years as J gets really worried when I Go off on my own to climb so I agreed to take a break.

MSM was into all the sports section of the fun day, hockey, golf, Basket ball and even trying the rowing machine on more than one occasion, for MSM if she ever reads these when she's older Dad's really proud of you, trying your best is all anyone can ask.

Just watched Tiger win the open, I'm not normally into watching golf on T.V but unfortunately I have started to play recently and I've got the bug, not that I would play in all weathers it would have to be dry for me to go out and have a round.

Well Sunday has been a busy day and great to spend time with both my girls.

My life now is finally returning to normal with a smile I can now be normal, not snapping at stupid things, being so tired that I just can't be bothered leaving the house I feel good and positive long may this last, if you are going through anything similar leave a note and I'm happy to talk to you and let you know how I'm beating Stress, anxiety, Depression and Panic attacks. I remember days when my bosses were saying that I thrived on stress, my work was very stressful working with MD's of a large PLC, meetings, projects, and 80hr weeks were the norm.

How I know I'm returning back to normal, I have a large project running at the moment with Microsoft and I have a large meeting next week with them which I'm feeling really good about three months ago I could not sit in a meeting with our people without having anxiety attacks and the feeling that I need to get out of here, last week I held two prelim meetings both went without any problems and I felt good at the end of them.

But I have learnt a big lesson, life is not all about work, life is for living not worrying about stuff especially what your boss thinks of you.

Anyway that's my sermon for the week, chilling is good panic and stressing is BAD!

Numbing experience

Just got back from the dentist, I now feel like shit, my mouth is numb, my tongue is numb and one side of my throat is numb. Whilst in the waiting room it dawned on me what sad git books a dentist appointment for 8.30am!! I'm now starving so much so I,m light headed, I want a cup of tea NOW! but as we all know it's not a good idea unless you wear a bib.

It was nice to be in the city at 8am though really quiet, nice time to window shop and see people sat out drinking their morning coffee before they started work. NEXT store had a one day sale so that store was pretty busy they opend at 5am, I'm not a big shopper and the thought of standing ouitside at 5am waiting for the doors to open does not do anything for me, I feel sorry for the staff, who wants to be in work at 5am especially on a Saturday.

MSM and J have just left to join the crowds at NEXT good luck to them, I am now going to start work, I have a project which is due to be passed to my client at the end of the month and it's 99% ready just stuck on one part so as it's quiet here in my home office I'll try and complete it today.

I've got my life back

So much time has passed since my last blog, well my mid-life crisis has come to an end, my anxiety & stress levels have now returned to normal but what a ride I would not wish it on anyone. Funny how it just creeps on you and bang your screwed for months in my case 18mths and then it just disappears well almost as quick as it arrives. But I did not take any meds just carried on as best I could. If your new to my blog please read earlier posts with an open mind as you will see some of my more darker days as I journey through a life changing experience.

Reading petiteanglaise blog over the past two days really opened my eyes to the possibilities of my works seeing my blog although I don't believe I have mentioned them and I don't blog from the office it still becomes scary especially if they are on a witch hunt. My best regards to petiteanglaise in her plight and hope her and Tadpole move on to bigger and better things which I'm sure they will.

So what's the latest in sunny, hot Barry, well we have builders at the end of our street at the moment and boy are they making a racket and the mess even with it being so dry the dust is getting everywhere. Work well that is surprisingly good at the moment, lots on as ever but finishing at 2.30 everyday in this weather is fantastic.

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow 8.30AM for a filling so wish me luck.

Part of my life changing experience is that I don't read newspapers or watch the news on TV anymore, during my dark days they were very unhelpful all negative stuff like war, disasters and the like, when is a newspaper or news channel going to focus on positive stuff instead, we all need a jolt of PMA (positive mental attitude) once in a while.

My little MSM (Daughter who I will now call MSM on this blog as she thinks is sooo cool) she has just started her summer holidays, so no more school runs for a few weeks yippee for me, she is spending some of the days down her GP's (Grand Parents) who live in a caravan about 10 feet from the sea, well until later this year when they relocate permanently in Alicante Spain. MSM is growing up fast and to be honest whilst I was in my dark stage did not devote much time to her, one day I'll explain but for now I have 18mths catching up to do.

Back soon

I'm back but for how long?

Well it's been a while and not sure where I will take this blog. Is it time to move on and away from this form of correspondence? I'm sitting in the lounge with my new laptop watching some dance programme on T.V not sure why I'm not a big fan of dancing competitions.

Actually done to DIY today the first since the bathroom, nothing major only a new coat of paint on the front door and did the garden, weather is fantastic, hot and sunny.

So here I am sitting here contemplating my next move do I close this chapter in my life or continue on this road talking to myself.

time will tell....... just remembered last time I did this it was over two years till I returned.

New techie stuff

Well it's been a few days, but this blog is from my new laptop, it's quite strange as it's wireless and no cables coming out of the thing, I am just coming down with a cold so feel a bit yuk.

I'm now sat in the lounge with this new toy on my lap typing away!! it's great not to be stuck in the office.

Well I'll do a proper post over the long weekend I'm just testing the whole thing out first. So far so good, oh apart from the price tag of course but that's for another day.

So chi chin I'll be back soon. bye ;0)

16 days later........

Is it me or is time flying 16 days since my last update wow. Okay where or better still what has been happening over the past 16 days, well....

I have started to play golf, not sure about it at the moment only played twice so far but the guys seem to think I'm quite good, I went down the range with Wayne last night for a session which was really good, learning how to hit the little white ball straight!! out of 50 attempts managed it 10 times whooo go me!

Last week I went to the wenault for a round of golf with some guys from work it started as a nice evening but as we went around the course the thunder started so we were keeping an eye on the storm, anyway after the game the BIG storm arrived and what a spectical three hours of wall to wall thunder and lightning, the coast was lit up with Pink flashes as the lightning touched down on the water it was a sight, and guess what dippy me didn't have my camera with me to take some shots. Yes I was gutted!!

Work well I'm getting by, 'D' has now moved floors so I don't see her that often which I suppose is a good thing we send emails now and then but nothing of any stature. I'm still trying to deal with what I did earlier in the year and I'm putting it down to unhappiness.

My business is flying I signed another contract for 12mths last week so I'm now officially earning double my old full time job which is great. I'm buying a new laptop to celebrate. Also I want to do this blog more regular so a new wireless laptop will be the way to go sitting in the garden typing away with a glass of red wine in one hand and a beautiful woman in the other. anyway where was I ah yes business I have got into the routine of working so I now don't touch weekends and I use my mobile as main contact number so if I do take up golf then business on the course rather than at home!

So what else, well my brother passed his driving test and bought a Nissan Almera 53 plate he took Megs for a run last Sunday but I had to pull him to one side and have a good chat with him before hand although his is a really good driver he's only 17 and with girls in the car he may think of doing something stupid. But all went well.

I'll do more later in the week time is ticking and I need to do some real work. So hey bye for now.

Another long weekend

The last long weekend until August (I think!) anyway had a good weekend, Saturday we stole some time and went to romilly Park and played baseball and Frisbee weather was sunny and warm and running around the park did me a world of good. Sunday was a chill out day apart from Tesco which was the usual if not quieter occasion. I actually sat in the lounge and read a book!! I have promised myself for months that one Sunday afternoon I'll chill out reading and I did it and it was great, Megs played on the computer I chilled and read and watched a little Discovery channel as well just to round things off.

Monday well we paid our annual visit to St. Fagans today four hours of walking around the Welsh Folk museum the weather was good although a little chilly, but took a few pictures which will appear soon as I'm having problems with this blog tonight.

Any way, things are all good and still feeling good, I'm hoping the illness is finally going here's fingers crossed.

Creativity!

Hello, I'm back. I have been sitting here today trying to get my creativity back, reading information about CSS web design and a little spark has arrived, I remember why I was good at web design about 18months ago and that's because I was always reading stuff, books. magazines the lot. I have not read a topic orientated book for over a year and that's why the buzz has gone.

Example I have built a large application for the office which I really took for granted and it was only yesterday that people really started to sing it's praises. This application sits on the main office server and also on the laptops that people take out to suppliers of ours, it holds a vast amount of details and statistics. Anyway I rambling. The MD emailed me and asked for a certain type of report which was complicated to say the least so what did I do reach for my trusted books which I have not opened for over a year and low and behold I found what I was looking for and the report was programmed and tested and WORKED within 15 mins.

So there we have it the reason I have been negative regarding my own business is not researching properly and reading the material I need to get the job done.

Anyway back to my normal blog, I'm feeling OK at the moment it's been nice at home a lot of that is down to me being more positive towards J and our relationship and not looking outside to fuel my negative side. I have read a lot of blog lately and some of them have really helped me to get my head back into gear, it's nice to get to know other people and how they view life.

Well where do I go from here, I'm talking to J a lot more and putting a little more effort in to my business and hopefully by the end of May I should be back 100% developing software and designing websites, all I hope is that my problems I suffered earlier in the year have gone once and for all.

Long weekend ahead weather supposed to be good so I think a trip or two is in order and my trusty camera is coming as well so I'll post some more of my artistic images soon.

Bye for now ;)

Is it now weekly?

OK I just noticed that I have only posted once last week, maybe because I have been doing other stuff this seemed to take a back seat. Nothing to say about the office as it's the same old routine although KW has really calmed down and the stress levels have come down a notch.

Home life is good, we are now talking and getting on well together I'm in a more forgiving mood again and I'm really trying to forget the past and move forward, currently looking at my financial situation and opening up savings accounts and moving my portfolio around a bit which I have not done for the past two years also looking at moving nothing concrete but looking at prices.

There is a house in the centre of Barry which has 5 bedrooms, we know the house well as we used to live there and look after the children when their parents went to work, they both done night shifts. The house is big and we always fancied owning a house in that street but it was always out of our price range, but the house is back on the market and now within our budget.

But I'm not rushing into it, I need to make sure it's right to do this after everything that has gone on over the past few months. I'll keep you posted.

Megs is back from Spain tomorrow which will be nice as I have missed her and I need a hug & kiss. Seems the weather there has been hot and sunny, they rang just now and they are in the beer garden soaking up the sun.

Yesterday I ventured out and took J to Bath as she has been nagging me for ages to go there, I have some pictures of the roman baths which I'll post up sometime. The day was good apart from me falling ill just as we got there, god knows what happened but I had a funny turn in the gents and that put me off for the whole day. The weather was nice and warm so we done a lot of walking and the shops are really nice, small boutiques as well as the normal department stores but in Bath the buildings are all listed so the department stores look small from the outside as they have to keep the original fascias.

Anyway just got back from Tesco and I'm about to chill out for a bit then start the house work, this place needs a good scrub down.

Bye for now.

Life is good

Yeah baby!! well it's been a while but the holidays are now over and getting back down to work, I did manage to stay away from work for the whole Easter holiday although I did feel guilty as I really did not do much apart from veg out and watch TV. I felt like shit though. Do you find that? when you are not either physically or mentally active you get into a switch off mode and all your muscles start aching and boredom sets in.

Anyway, Megs is currently over in the house in Spain with her grandparents, reports are that it's hot and sunny and she has been in the sea two days running. Good for her I say, her Spanish is really coming on we had a good conversation over the phone in Spanish and she instigated it which was very good, our Spanish friends in the background loved it as you could here them clapping and praising Megan for her efforts, I reckon by next summer she will be a fluent Spanish speaker.

I think French is next, now I can't speak much French so I will have to start to learn, hey I'll be getting a job doing translations soon!! or getting a job in Spain with my company. (now that sounds good) oh and this is for KW, the secret you have been itching to find out about is that I can speak Spanish but it's still a secret as he does not read these blogs oh how good/bad am I.

"Cualquier manera que sea bastante de mí por tiempo de la esta noche para ir mirar a aprendiz en la televisión."

And for the non speaking public "Any way that's enough from me for tonight time to go and watch Apprentice on television."

Ta da! ;)

Oh and 'D' you still have a great smile even though we never talk anymore ;)

Happy Easter

Well I have managed to stay of the PC for two days and it's not been to bad, Friday I had a lazy day, didn't really do much went shopping and picked megs freind up for thier sleep over, they were up watching DVD's till 12.15am but they were quiet so can't complain.

Saturday they were up at 8.30am talking and playing, we decided to go down the lakes and took my camera so here are a few shots I took.




























































May pop out and do some more pice tomorrow as Megs is in Spain I have time to be alone and do some interesting stuff. Bye for now.

Realisation

OK I know it's Thursday and I have not been posting daily, but I'm finding working on computers is becoming a chore, I have now clocked up 4 years working in this converted bedroom every night and to say that it's got to me finally is an understatement.

I realised today that my eyes start to hurt, I loose my temper really quickly if things are not going right so I think this Easter break is time out from computers, well I'm going to try anyway I will probably post something here but NO WORK stuff.

Tonight I fancied pulling out a book putting the stereo on low and sitting reading and chilling but alas the thought was there but reality is I had to cook tea and play and talk to Megs, but all is not lost as next week Megs is off to the house in spain with her nan and bamps for the week so I will hopefully be able to come home from work by 3pm grab a book and read and do nothing until it's time to cook tea. I'm taking a break from all the computer work.

How I'm feeling well strangley really good, no arguments latley I feel more positive not 100% though but better, my mad few months has finally left my system although my special freind is still reeling from the episode and I still feel ashamed for what I did.

We now find it hard to talk to each other which I feel really guilty about as Christmas time everything was good, we communicated and talked about anything then I went in to the carzy mode I miss read every sign there was and put her through hell.

I did smile when she mentioned that she was expecting to come home to find an animal in the microwave oven. I had no idea how bad I was. It's really strange looking back as that is totally out of character I'm normally laid back and very freindly always happy to listen to people and give advise, but on this occasion I went off the rails and crashed and burned.

I suppose at the time my situation was a lot more intense than what I thought it was and looked for an escape route and unfortunatley my freind was the person I latched on to trying to create something that I really wanted and or needed.

Well I have learned a few harsh lessons beleive me, they do say freinds are the hardest to make and the easiest to loose and I can confirm how true that is. 'Oh boy'

Anyway, Megs has her best friend coming over to stay for a few days tomorrow so we are trying to plan some activities, I fancy grabbing the cameras and going over to the forest to take some snaps of the early spring wildlife, not sure if it happens but we'll see.

Sunday we have family coming over so that day is pretty much written off. Monday well Megs flys out at 8am to Spain which means me and 'J' are alone together for the first time in ages, nothing planned as yet but I think we need this time together to work out where to go from here. May be a trip in to town for a few drinks and a meal.

Next week I have a big meeting Tuesday with some suppliers which I'm looking forward to as I have not had a meeting with suppliers since I fell ill and went Part Time, it'll be interesting to see if I still have the business savvy to steer the meeting to what I want and not let them lead me away.

OK that's enough for today time to switch this baby off for a while and start to find a new lease of life doing something else for a while. (Ha we'll see if I can stay off a PC. anyone for a wager on this one?)

Result or is it....

Well I'm not so good at keeping this blog up to date latley, I have not had a good few days, yesterday was really bad suffering with depression, I have seen the doctor but these days they will not prescribe anything apart from exercise. Now I'm not the biggest fan of excersie apart from a game of squash once a week but even that has not happend for the past month or so.

I have a mountain bike sat in the shed just calling me to take it out for a run, I may even be brave and strap it to the back of the car over the long weekend and give it a blast through the forests. I suffer from procrastination, I put that down to depression which I would not wish on anyone.

Realised tonight that I don't enjoy building applications, how do I know this well, I was given a job today to do some work on a website and to do some art work for them, well I really enjoyed doing it and with that in mind my forte is deffinatley website design and build and not building applications. Problem is I have signed a two year contract for a aplication build how do I get myself out of it who knows!!

Feeling OK this evening, my freind has rang and is currently giving me the gossip on what happend over the weekend, he just keeps going back to when we were younger, I'm not sure where he is going with this but it's nice to go back in time. Although we don't talk about music like bloody Five star and 'Rain or Shine'.

In the office a team went out last Friday for a drink and there is gossip flying around the office that the team manager has had big words with her boss. Now as you know you should never talk shop when out socialising especially when alcahol has been consumed.

Anyway that was me on a soap box, makes abloody change me being on a soap box!!

Well weekend nearly over

Not much happend this weekend, Friday work pleasant suprise to see 'D' there, bet she was in no fit state by the end of Friday night with her night out. I didn't go out after all, I suppose I felt guilty going out twice in a month.

Friday night spent trying to work but ended up playing SIMS with Megs sat on my lap, it was good fun though.

Saturday was, well lets just say BORING, I find these days that I cannot sleep in so up and around by 8am but I Just could not get my head into gear, went to Tesco to do the weekly shop and that's about it, I'm so used to doing DIY on the weekends it's really strange not having my day planned.

Watched the film Hostage with Bruce Willis but to be honest I didn't find this one as good as his other films so only 7/10 for that one, good story but not enough action and by the middle of the film I had already worked out the ending. Good to watch if you have nothing better to do.

Today again up before 8am and wandering around like a lost sheep, got out of the house around 10.30am to pick up a new water filter for Megans fish tank but could not find the one I needed, I bought a good supply of filters a few weeks back but I just can't find a repalcement machine, the one we have at the moment is making a noice that drives me crazy I tried stripping it down but still making a noise.

It was nice driving around Cardiff on my own just thinking, pondering where my life is going now, what do I do, do I stay or do I go, if I go what will life be like.. umm I'm so chicken shit it's unreal. One day I'll decide hopefully it won't be to late that I can't enjoy what's left of my life.

Spent the afternoon scrubing the office and I mean scrubbing with bleach and scrub brushes, it looks and smells great but alas when Megs gets back in here it'll be a mess again I'm sure.

Anyway Megs is at her freinds house for a sleepover so I'll be rushing around in the morning picking her up to take to club as it's half term.

I'm thinking about seeing a counsellor to try and get my life back on track, I find at the moment I have no one to talk to and I'm really struggeling to get myself better, this weekend I have been feeling bad again, probably because I had little to do, I find if I'm not working my mind starts wandering and I start thinking of how much of a failure I've been, all the goals and dreams I had that have gone and I just can't get back into gear. I know I've probably put this down before but I want to keep track of my progress or lack of it.

Well there it is the weekend that was so shit it's not really worth writting about but hey I'm still alive (Just).

No logic!!

Why do people cross roads when there are subways right next to them? coming home tonight I was driving past city hall when I saw this elderly chap with a walking stick trying to walk accros the four lane road. I was shocked to see him struggle accros to the central island, I don't understand some peoples logic, exactly where he was crossing was the subway which would have meant a nice gentle stroll not a panic stricken man crossing a busy and fast flowing road.

Oh and I thought I let everyone know what our city hall looks like. So here it is in all it's glory! oh and a bit of goss here is where the Welsh Assembly should have been put and not spending millions on a building that looks like this..

So which looks better I'll let you decide, oops I touched politics which is really not my thing but the cost of this building was really wasted as the City Hall would have been the perfect home with the perfect surroundings.

Take a look at the whole building.






Quickly changing the subject how about seeing where I live or near enough anyway this is a view from just outside Megs school..









I must admit I love history and finding pictures of where I live I find fascinating so here is one of the top of my street back in 1890's and believe me when I say that if you stand in the exact spot where this picture was taken nothing has changed. Where the man is standing to the right which looks like a tent is now a workshop which is still set off the road like this picture. All the houses are still there today, all of them have been restored to the original building specs.




God I can go on all night looking and putting more up. I may find some more history of the place and post more in future but that's enough for now. This all started from the topic of a man crossing the road where am I going with all this.

I think it just confirms what Cath, a work colleague said today, "oh we can never understand Mark's logic" well I think this post proves I have no logic.

Anyway, it's 9.30 ish and it's time to shove off, although I did have more to say tonight but I have now forgotten all about it so until the next time if there is a next time bye bye xx

OK you have to see these

Sorry I was just reading a friends blog and clicked on a link. See what happens when glass is removed from a door. This will make you laugh.

And the best resignation letter ever, apart from who it was addressed to (Weird)

Latest things on my mind

Friends and how easy it is to lose them. Well I made some fundamental errors over the past few weeks/months and boy do I wish I could wind back the clock to Christmas time. But alas I can't and I'm not sure if I can win back a friendship.

How can you gain another persons confidence after doing silly things? can a friendship be re ignited? I wish I had the answers. At the moment I'm so embarrassed I just cannot talk to them the way I used to and like wise they are avoiding me and not saying anything which I kinda deserve, on reflection I let myself down and that of my friend. I suppose only time will tell on that matter.

Strange day today as my office is next door to the Hilton hotel where Gene Pitney passed away last night, I have listened to all the news and they say he was a fit man with no illness so it has been quite shocking to here of his death. But I must say that when it's my turn to go I would hope that it's in bed at home.

Watched a film over the weekend called The Butterfly Effect, I must admit the film is really good the title does not really do the film any justice although you can see why they called it that if you get what I mean. Anyway it's worth a watch at least once and I would give it 8/10.





'J' has been having a really bad time in work recently and is not happy at all, we were discussing options tonight and it could mean that I return full time, I'm not sure how I feel about that at the moment as I still have not got used to being Part Time and to be honest I struggle to get on with my own business when I get home.

I'm worried that I may become ill again if I return fulltime although part of me is screaming out to get a grip and return to my old job which means travelling around the country and holding meetings and generally being stressed 8-5 Mon-Fri. It has been nice finishing at 2.30pm but in real terms I still don't get home until 3.45pm after the school run, when I was full time I was in the house by 5.45pm so I have really not gained that much. Although being there for Megan has been great although I neglect her when I'm home as I need to work in the office and unless there is a computer game in the offing I won't see her for dust.

I bought SIMS2 over the weekend and must say it's a great game very addictive and Megs loves it check out their website for a taster. It really teaches the kids how to look after people, manage money although I would not give this to anyone younger than Megan as there is kissing and other stuff that younger people will not understand although Megs doesn't quite grasp the other stuff thank god!!

Any way that's enough from me today.

Money and what it means

I was reading a friends blog tonight and they were talking about money and the way we live our lives around the dreaded stuff, I for one have for many years been very money orientated and especially recently with my personal money issues and reading her blog has opened my eyes to the fact that why do we live our lives around money! why do we have to have the latest gadgets. I remember my late grand parents always saying to me save for items you want as you will appreciate them more and looking back on it I did.

How saving makes you appreciate things well I bought a bike for my paper round when I was 14 and although my grandparents subbed me some money the bulk of it I saved out of my paper round, and guess what I still have that bike and it's in great condition hanging in the loft, it's a Peugeot 10 gear racing bike made of light weight alloy, (I used to do bike racing when I was younger) but it highlighted the point because I saved hard for it I love the bike and will never let it go even though it's been hanging for over 10 years.

Now my computer, all of them I have never had to save for I have gone out and just bought them, and to I appreciate them as much, no because I did not put £50 away each month for it I have not got the same emotional attachment to it.

Over the weekend I went out and blew £50 on computer games, not that I buy many games this is the first in a few years but looking back on it I should have walked away or put £15 aside for them a month that way I think I would have appreciated them more.

Oh this could go one forever but my point is it's time to save and live the old life only buy items you really need and appreciate them more.

On the news tonight there was a story of the village in Somerset going green well have a look at this and tell me that this is not the way to go. Back to the old ways in a way, produce home grown and available at the local shop. This is the place I would love to live and bring up Megs.

Anyway lots of other stuff to talk about but running out of time. I'll pop back tomorrow with my movie of the weekend The Butterfly effect, more on the Da Vinci Code and lots more to get off my chest.

Yeah only two spelling mistakes tonight ooo arn't I doing well!!

A week on....

Well does a week go fast or what, a week of work, panic and work. Well the evenings were made up of not doing much trying to work but really not getting far, so gave up around Wednesday and have been playing a computer game ever since.

The office has been quiet, KW left for NY on Tuesday and yes I did get the picture and here it is KW taking a pic on his phone of the camera to show us when he gets back nest week.

if you want to see the live cam then click here.

My friend has been away all week which I hope has helped them and that they are now working towards a brighter future together, me well I was always on the outside so nothing more to say on this. Although I'm still ashamed of what I did and I'm not sure if 'D' will ever speak to me again, next week will tell. But I wouldn't blame her one bit if she ignored me.

Went out last Saturday to Tiger Tiger and that was good, just getting out and meeting different people was great had a few glasses of red wine but stayed sober, met some great people and had a laugh, I noticed that some of my personal items at home had be gone through but didn't mention it, 'J' mentioned on Sunday that she had a good look around as she does not trust me and was jealous of my Saturday night out she admitted that if I had left my phone at home she would have gone through that as well. Sorry love to disappoint, but I will be going out again and will meet even more people.

How I'm feeling right now, well better than I was last week, although I would love to go out again for a drink but I better not don't want to upset the apple cart.

Meg's was sent home ill from school yesterday so I left work at 11.30am and had to work from home whilst trying to care for an 8 year old with a temperature of '102' she was great though very little complaining, although she did ask this morning if I could work at home rather than go to the office but explained that her grampy was coming and that was enough. OK daddy shall I pack your bag for you? he he. kids eh!

Tonight she asked to spend quality time with me tomorrow, I asked what she meant and the response was going to a coffee shop for a drink and a chat, she has been watching far too much TV.

Anyway, that's enough from sad old me talking to myself. Cheer up son it'll never happen ;)

After all that

Well after making the BIGGEST mistake of my life and learning the most important lesson of my life NEVER LIE !! no matter what the circumstances it's time to move on, Dave my mate has been nagging me for weeks to go out on a Saturday night well I finally agreed to his constant texts and phone calls, although I am a little worried as he keeps saying it will be like old times. Well old times were pulling girls and generally larking around, I think I'm a little past that one but don't expect me back home till 4 or 5 in the morning I'm aiming to let off steam. Watch out Cardiff I'm on my way. Oh and my two left feet!!

I still need to get hold of a copy of Da Vinci Code may go out and buy a copy tomorrow as I have nearly finished the book I'm currently reading 'J is for Judgement' Kinsey Milhone investigates. Written by Sue Grafton. The series is really good read I have bought practically the whole series and slowly reading my way through although I am not the quickest of readers.



A colleague in work is travelling to New York on Tuesday and he will be texting me when he is stood right here, he is going for a week and staying in hostels, which I think is very brave of him especially as he is travelling alone for the first part of the trip.

I am going to try and capture the image like this one and post it here for all to see!!

Well hopefully my blogs will be more interesting now I am writing to my mass audience which mainly are American who I imagine are hoping to read all about Cardiff or Barry which it's not. Ah well must finish here as I have work to do. Must pay the bills.

The end.....

This is for a friend just in case they log on.

OK I admit I lied, but you must understand that I have been to hell and back and looking back on what I have said and done I feel embarrassed, firstly I genuinely do like you, but for reasons which are beyond me I went way over the mark, the phone call, emails (apart from one and you know the one), the diary thing, I used you as an excuse to off load all my emotions and in doing so I got completely wrapped up in something that was just not there.

Put it another way if at any point you said lets be together then I would have walked right there and then. And I honestly thought that would happen, scary looking back on what frame of mind I was in. Lying well that is not my thing, at the time I was looking for a reaction from you what reaction I'm not sure, probably the opposite to what I got, you see I was convinced that you would email, text or do something, so convinced I would be waiting on my PC just to see you arrive hoping you would chat on MSN and I would feel gutted when nothing appeared.

I suppose I was creating a situation which I'm really embarrassed about, but I need to tell you as I value your friendship, it's only since you requested space that I started to look back and realise what I had done and what I put you under. Lies, well the phone is the only one. And I'm genuinely sorry for that one, the text today was as a friend nothing else all I want is for you to be happy.

Well if you don't respond in any way I'll understand

Small world...

Well a quick blog tonight as it's Apprentice night on BBC, oo I do like Mr Sugar "Your Fired".

I was just surfing the net tonight, my head is shot so did not attempt any work. The internet is a small place that's all I can say, there is this chap I see in the play ground waiting to collect the children most days and always wondered what he does for a living, well I stumbled across his blog and website take a look. I'm sure I will now talk to the chap, what a talented artist and also amazing that he is self taught and only been doing it for the past three years.

Also I went reading some blogs I have found interesting, and Dan had some interesting films listed so went and had a look, well I must see the Da Vinci Code Looks like another block buster from Tom Hanks. And now I must get the book and read before the film comes out. Cheers Dan your a star!!

I'm hoping that my passion for computer webdesign and application building comes back soon so here's hoping for inspiration!

Thoughts.......

I think I need to walk away from my business, I'm not enjoying it anymore, I don't know why but I'm struggling to get things to work. When I done programming for free I loved it no pressure to produce and it was fun, now I do work under contract I find the buzz has gone and I struggle to get my head into it.

I feel like a writer with writers block. I'm sat here and nothing is happening, I'm going around in circles. tonight for instance I have been working on a simple programme but I have deleted it three times because I just can't get it to work. Now the clock is ticking as this one has to be with the client well before 31st March and at the moment it's still in pieces and no where near completion.

My old business partner just rang and he knew exactly what I mean he has just got out and is now looking to put his feet up, alas I can't do that as I need the money to survive.

My dear friend is travelling to the Canneries next week just her and her husband to try and sort stuff out, I'm really pleased for her which is really strange surely after everything I have said and done over the past few months I should be gutted over the news but I'm not, I'm really happy for her I suppose it's seeing someone trying to put their lives back on track and time alone should be the key.

Although I have said to her I expect a great big smile on her face when she returns to work. Good luck babes I really hope that this is your turning point and all the crap you have endured will now be laid to rest.

My Megs is going away in July for two weeks so I'm hoping to use the free time to try and do the same if I can last that long.

Anyway, if anyone knows how to over come writers block then please let me know I'm desperate honest!! or if anyone has a job I'll certainly look at that also.

Oh well I'll try again for a few hours and then pack up. ;( bye xx

And there's more

My friend Dave called tonight, had a good chat and as ever he says what the fuck are you still there for, after everything that has happened why am I making myself ill? well I suppose that is a good question and here are my answers:

1/ I can't afford to move out.
2/ I'm afraid of the unknown.
3/ I don't want to be alone.
4/ My Meg's

I know they sound weak but I have put all my energy into this relationship and I have nothing left, I'm beat.

Why I should stay:

1/ My wife still loves me.
2/ My daughter loves me.
3/ I have built a lovely home.

What the hang up is? I can't forgive her for what she has done, I know it sounds stupid but I just can't let go of the past, all my/our dreams wrecked over money. Money that I knew nothing about until she started asking me to cover some of her bills and that is when I uncovered the whole picture.

Can you re-build a life after 17 years? Can you find someone else to share your dreams and goals with? can there be a person who I can hold and feel happy? can you fall in love all over again?

So many questions but no answers. I'm trapped by my own weakness. Also why do I feel so guilty, why do I feel like I'm the one in the wrong here?

Oh what a mess, and there is no easy answer to any of the issues, just that I no longer love her. End of.

Harder than I thought

Back to work today, but I thought after four days it would be easier to see my friend, but it was not, I said hi and had a quick chat, refrained from sending little emails, basically ducked away, thinking that would curb the feelings I have.

Alas it didn't, I'm not sure what is going on really I feel like I'm 16 again, I hope time will help on this as I really need to give her some space to sort her own life out she deserves that at least.

God why is life so hard sometimes? anyway I'm early today as I have to get down to some serious work tonight. If I get chance I'll add a little more later.

End of another day

Umm, Shopping well that was fun, left her in the clothes isle and went and done the shopping myself, I hate people who try something that they have not got a clue what they are doing or talking about.

Here's an example: Had a night off from cooking Saturday and what was produced well half cooked frozen beef burger, beans and fried egg with curly chips.

I don't think any of us eat the lot. Enough said on that subject.

Anyway back to Tesco shopping, here's what I decided to buy for this weeks main meals:

Chicken Breasts for Chicken Curry.
Pork ready cut into chunks for Sweet n Sour stir fry (Fresh vegetables).
Fresh Pizza.
Mince Meat for Spag bol.
Whole Chicken & fresh veg for Sunday Lunch (Long gone now but very nice even if I say so myself).
Fresh Sausages for Sausage Casserole.

Guaranteed that this will change as the week goes on, you know what it's like when you get home from work you don't feel like doing a certain meal, well we'll see. Just hung some pictures in the bedroom, not an easy task as we have a square picture in the middle of the wall and we bought two others. Hard to explain so here they are.



Bit of a bitch to get the effect and to make sure the gaps were the same, you should have seen me prancing around with a spirit level to make sure it was all straight. But they do look good.

And here is a broader shot that encompasses the bed etc.


Well I think that's enough for one day, time for a cup of coffee and a chill out on the sofa.

Morning After

Seems my blog was involved in a server problem Friday and Saturday so could not put up my normal whinging posts. Any way Saturday was a bad day, Started arguing from around 11am and continued well into the afternoon, seems she can't get her head around why I'm struggling to forgive her slight overspend. For fuck sake women you blew £65,000.

This is now driving me nuts and what makes it worse is that I can't afford to do anything about it. So she has fucked me both ways, I can't leave and I'm dying being here.

Anyway life's a bitch eh!

On a brighter note I watched the film The Constant Gardener Directed by Fernando Meirelles
well what a film, very moving and gets you really thinking about what the west is really doing to the world and the people in it, also questions the whole ethical issues of pharmaceutical companies also how much possibly goes on in the world that we really don not know anything about.

It's a passionate film about husband and wife who have separate careers but hers is very secret and she will not tell her husband what it's all about until she dies in an ambush. Her husband then decides to find out for himself what she was working on and that's when it all come to light.

Very moving, very thought provoking. 8/10

Anyway that's enough from me today, I may post later but have to go and do the shopping now. Umm what to cook for tea next week. Well I let you know sometime!! xx

Space

Well I know that my special friend 'D' is no longer reading these posts so for the moment I'm really talking to myself which feels kinda strange, I am leaving her alone as she needs her space to sort stuff out. Although I must admit it's only been 24hrs since I Last emailed her and I'm finding it hard not to write an email. I'm not sure what I am feeling at the moment, a little on the outside I suppose I really want to give her a hug and tell her everything will be OK but that will never happen.

I have confirmed the sale of www.librautomotive.co.uk today so that will soon be apart of my history. Still life goes on. It's getting rather sad I seem to be losing everything I care about and going backwards instead of forwards.

Office was quiet apart form a team playing skittles in the walkways, and boy today they did get rather rowdy. I think I need a good blow out down a pub.

Umm a pint that sounds nice even though I'm not a big drinker. No one on MSN either tonight so really quiet, I have put 4hrs into my project that needs to be complete by end of March it's going OK but not where it should be at this late stage, but I'm sure I'll get there. [Sigh]

Well it's 8.50pm and I have just about had enough for today I can't think of anything else to put down tonight. So bye for now xx

iPods the death of me

OK here's the thing, I decided to move my iTunes from one PC to the other so I can look to clear off a PC as it's running pig slow but that's another blog, anyway there's me thinking it would be bloody simple to do, save tracks (2000) in all into a folder and then just import them in one go. Oh no the bloody thing needs me to click on each bloody album what a jerk off system.

Who in Apple is pissing themselves laughing at the thought of some dick sitting here clicking and waiting for each album to download. Shit you call this modern technology bull shit it's utter rubbish. If you have iTunes what ever you do do not move PC's

Worse still is my freind lost the folder where his was backed up in and had to re install all his albums. If anyone out there is iPod savvy and knows a quicker way to do this then please let me and others know for future reference.

I really have not got time to sit here and import each album individually.

God damn Apple. and there was me thinking about buying an apple laptop. Well me thinks I'll have to re think that one although they do look really good and I can imagine suitting in ythe lounge typing my glog using one of those. ummm

Anyway I'm calming down abit now as I'm half way through my albums. I cannot live without my iPod i must be mad.

Oh and I'll probably get Apple emailing me cos I'm in breach of copyright using their images but hey it's a free world and they are getting extra advertising.

So how was my normal day? well it was OK people have seen an application I built in the office and they are all wanting it, IT have given me another laptop to upload this software on to whicjh is nice, although they have realised the importance of this application so I'm bracing myself for an onslought of requests for additional info and also more developement. I'll have to put a screen shot here so you all can see what I woek on in my home office.

Megs has a cols at the moment but she is being really good no moaning or whinging not like someone I could mention but I won't. Megs had piano lessons and had to show me that she can now play with two hands. I gave her a shock when I played a tune with both hands. Shocked me too mind I have not played the piano for ages even though it's sat right next to me.

Years ago in my teens I used to have an a Commodore Amiga and all it had on their was mixing software and me and my mates would spend hours compiling electronic tunes I have a tape here as well which I have been throwing around for ages and just realised it's the very one we recorded stuff to. How strange. I must listen to it either to make me laugh or cry on how good it was.

Anyway that's enough ranting for today, remember DON'T move your iTunes once it's set up

Oh and if my spelling and stuff is crap please excuse as I have not got time to do a spell check and I'm typing so fast I can't see my fingers move he he. ;)