Computers who's idea

I'm stuck! I have been building an application using Access 2003 and it's just about ready to go to a client but I have hit a snag, the PDF programme I have running in the background does not like to select one report per record, I have found code that will I think solve the problem but my mind is currently dead and for the life of me I don't know where to begin inputting the code. Complete and utter brain freeze. (Over five days now).

Did not have a good nights sleep last night not sure if it's the weather or just me, I woke up about 10 times sometimes due to weird dreams, I've been having a few of those of late, not out there ones but people who I know and are either friends who I have not seen in a while (some over three years) and some work colleagues who I recently started working with again. Umm any dream bods out there who can give me a reading I'm up for finding out why the past is featuring so prominently in my sleep these days.

Reading Dans blog today and looks like he didn't get much sleep either but at least he's got his cats to blame for that.

So I'm sat in my home office trying to solve the computer programme issue but I don't think I'm going to crack this on my own so if any of you are good with MS Access and V.B then give me a shout I really need a hand.


Dan to answer your question about what I do, due to the problems petiteanglaise is having with her employers I can't say too much as I know they have looked in the past (web stats) I work as a project manager for a large Insurance company was full time but now only 4hrs a day plus I have access from home so I do work from here as well, I'm also a freelance IT & Web developer and have 3 long term contracts at the moment one which as you read earlier is causing me a bit of grief.

My sister rang me last night, note my family are not the best at keeping in touch, asked her when the last time she rang me her reply was "March 10th my birthday, and you rang me" oh so only four months or so later, and guess what she only rang to gloat that she is going to Cyprus in September and her boyfriend has a three month contract earning £300 per day doing internet marketing. £300 per day what!! this idiot has no idea how the internet works let alone do any sort of marketing for them, I gather it's for one of the large online gambling sites. How the hell did this Muppet blag his way into a job like that, he is normally a van driver for a delivery firm.

I remember him coming to me a few years back asking me to show him what the internet was and how you use it, they have no PC and my sister has just completed the basic PC user course in evening class. Just a gripe on how people blag and get away with it and get paid for their trouble £300 a day what tosh....

Hurting feet

Went to Tesco fun day today in Coopers field which is just behind Cardiff Castle, it was hot with a nice breeze blowing. MSM decided to climb the wall which is about 30ft tall, MSM opted for the hard side which unfortunately was a little too hard for her, but she had a really good attempt and managed to get half way up, but she kept trying without throwing a tantrum, I can visualize her free climbing around the world, she obviously follows me as I love climbing especially free climbing alas I have not climbed for over two years as J gets really worried when I Go off on my own to climb so I agreed to take a break.

MSM was into all the sports section of the fun day, hockey, golf, Basket ball and even trying the rowing machine on more than one occasion, for MSM if she ever reads these when she's older Dad's really proud of you, trying your best is all anyone can ask.

Just watched Tiger win the open, I'm not normally into watching golf on T.V but unfortunately I have started to play recently and I've got the bug, not that I would play in all weathers it would have to be dry for me to go out and have a round.

Well Sunday has been a busy day and great to spend time with both my girls.

My life now is finally returning to normal with a smile I can now be normal, not snapping at stupid things, being so tired that I just can't be bothered leaving the house I feel good and positive long may this last, if you are going through anything similar leave a note and I'm happy to talk to you and let you know how I'm beating Stress, anxiety, Depression and Panic attacks. I remember days when my bosses were saying that I thrived on stress, my work was very stressful working with MD's of a large PLC, meetings, projects, and 80hr weeks were the norm.

How I know I'm returning back to normal, I have a large project running at the moment with Microsoft and I have a large meeting next week with them which I'm feeling really good about three months ago I could not sit in a meeting with our people without having anxiety attacks and the feeling that I need to get out of here, last week I held two prelim meetings both went without any problems and I felt good at the end of them.

But I have learnt a big lesson, life is not all about work, life is for living not worrying about stuff especially what your boss thinks of you.

Anyway that's my sermon for the week, chilling is good panic and stressing is BAD!

Numbing experience

Just got back from the dentist, I now feel like shit, my mouth is numb, my tongue is numb and one side of my throat is numb. Whilst in the waiting room it dawned on me what sad git books a dentist appointment for 8.30am!! I'm now starving so much so I,m light headed, I want a cup of tea NOW! but as we all know it's not a good idea unless you wear a bib.

It was nice to be in the city at 8am though really quiet, nice time to window shop and see people sat out drinking their morning coffee before they started work. NEXT store had a one day sale so that store was pretty busy they opend at 5am, I'm not a big shopper and the thought of standing ouitside at 5am waiting for the doors to open does not do anything for me, I feel sorry for the staff, who wants to be in work at 5am especially on a Saturday.

MSM and J have just left to join the crowds at NEXT good luck to them, I am now going to start work, I have a project which is due to be passed to my client at the end of the month and it's 99% ready just stuck on one part so as it's quiet here in my home office I'll try and complete it today.

I've got my life back

So much time has passed since my last blog, well my mid-life crisis has come to an end, my anxiety & stress levels have now returned to normal but what a ride I would not wish it on anyone. Funny how it just creeps on you and bang your screwed for months in my case 18mths and then it just disappears well almost as quick as it arrives. But I did not take any meds just carried on as best I could. If your new to my blog please read earlier posts with an open mind as you will see some of my more darker days as I journey through a life changing experience.

Reading petiteanglaise blog over the past two days really opened my eyes to the possibilities of my works seeing my blog although I don't believe I have mentioned them and I don't blog from the office it still becomes scary especially if they are on a witch hunt. My best regards to petiteanglaise in her plight and hope her and Tadpole move on to bigger and better things which I'm sure they will.

So what's the latest in sunny, hot Barry, well we have builders at the end of our street at the moment and boy are they making a racket and the mess even with it being so dry the dust is getting everywhere. Work well that is surprisingly good at the moment, lots on as ever but finishing at 2.30 everyday in this weather is fantastic.

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow 8.30AM for a filling so wish me luck.

Part of my life changing experience is that I don't read newspapers or watch the news on TV anymore, during my dark days they were very unhelpful all negative stuff like war, disasters and the like, when is a newspaper or news channel going to focus on positive stuff instead, we all need a jolt of PMA (positive mental attitude) once in a while.

My little MSM (Daughter who I will now call MSM on this blog as she thinks is sooo cool) she has just started her summer holidays, so no more school runs for a few weeks yippee for me, she is spending some of the days down her GP's (Grand Parents) who live in a caravan about 10 feet from the sea, well until later this year when they relocate permanently in Alicante Spain. MSM is growing up fast and to be honest whilst I was in my dark stage did not devote much time to her, one day I'll explain but for now I have 18mths catching up to do.

Back soon

I'm back but for how long?

Well it's been a while and not sure where I will take this blog. Is it time to move on and away from this form of correspondence? I'm sitting in the lounge with my new laptop watching some dance programme on T.V not sure why I'm not a big fan of dancing competitions.

Actually done to DIY today the first since the bathroom, nothing major only a new coat of paint on the front door and did the garden, weather is fantastic, hot and sunny.

So here I am sitting here contemplating my next move do I close this chapter in my life or continue on this road talking to myself.

time will tell....... just remembered last time I did this it was over two years till I returned.

New techie stuff

Well it's been a few days, but this blog is from my new laptop, it's quite strange as it's wireless and no cables coming out of the thing, I am just coming down with a cold so feel a bit yuk.

I'm now sat in the lounge with this new toy on my lap typing away!! it's great not to be stuck in the office.

Well I'll do a proper post over the long weekend I'm just testing the whole thing out first. So far so good, oh apart from the price tag of course but that's for another day.

So chi chin I'll be back soon. bye ;0)

16 days later........

Is it me or is time flying 16 days since my last update wow. Okay where or better still what has been happening over the past 16 days, well....

I have started to play golf, not sure about it at the moment only played twice so far but the guys seem to think I'm quite good, I went down the range with Wayne last night for a session which was really good, learning how to hit the little white ball straight!! out of 50 attempts managed it 10 times whooo go me!

Last week I went to the wenault for a round of golf with some guys from work it started as a nice evening but as we went around the course the thunder started so we were keeping an eye on the storm, anyway after the game the BIG storm arrived and what a spectical three hours of wall to wall thunder and lightning, the coast was lit up with Pink flashes as the lightning touched down on the water it was a sight, and guess what dippy me didn't have my camera with me to take some shots. Yes I was gutted!!

Work well I'm getting by, 'D' has now moved floors so I don't see her that often which I suppose is a good thing we send emails now and then but nothing of any stature. I'm still trying to deal with what I did earlier in the year and I'm putting it down to unhappiness.

My business is flying I signed another contract for 12mths last week so I'm now officially earning double my old full time job which is great. I'm buying a new laptop to celebrate. Also I want to do this blog more regular so a new wireless laptop will be the way to go sitting in the garden typing away with a glass of red wine in one hand and a beautiful woman in the other. anyway where was I ah yes business I have got into the routine of working so I now don't touch weekends and I use my mobile as main contact number so if I do take up golf then business on the course rather than at home!

So what else, well my brother passed his driving test and bought a Nissan Almera 53 plate he took Megs for a run last Sunday but I had to pull him to one side and have a good chat with him before hand although his is a really good driver he's only 17 and with girls in the car he may think of doing something stupid. But all went well.

I'll do more later in the week time is ticking and I need to do some real work. So hey bye for now.

Another long weekend

The last long weekend until August (I think!) anyway had a good weekend, Saturday we stole some time and went to romilly Park and played baseball and Frisbee weather was sunny and warm and running around the park did me a world of good. Sunday was a chill out day apart from Tesco which was the usual if not quieter occasion. I actually sat in the lounge and read a book!! I have promised myself for months that one Sunday afternoon I'll chill out reading and I did it and it was great, Megs played on the computer I chilled and read and watched a little Discovery channel as well just to round things off.

Monday well we paid our annual visit to St. Fagans today four hours of walking around the Welsh Folk museum the weather was good although a little chilly, but took a few pictures which will appear soon as I'm having problems with this blog tonight.

Any way, things are all good and still feeling good, I'm hoping the illness is finally going here's fingers crossed.

Creativity!

Hello, I'm back. I have been sitting here today trying to get my creativity back, reading information about CSS web design and a little spark has arrived, I remember why I was good at web design about 18months ago and that's because I was always reading stuff, books. magazines the lot. I have not read a topic orientated book for over a year and that's why the buzz has gone.

Example I have built a large application for the office which I really took for granted and it was only yesterday that people really started to sing it's praises. This application sits on the main office server and also on the laptops that people take out to suppliers of ours, it holds a vast amount of details and statistics. Anyway I rambling. The MD emailed me and asked for a certain type of report which was complicated to say the least so what did I do reach for my trusted books which I have not opened for over a year and low and behold I found what I was looking for and the report was programmed and tested and WORKED within 15 mins.

So there we have it the reason I have been negative regarding my own business is not researching properly and reading the material I need to get the job done.

Anyway back to my normal blog, I'm feeling OK at the moment it's been nice at home a lot of that is down to me being more positive towards J and our relationship and not looking outside to fuel my negative side. I have read a lot of blog lately and some of them have really helped me to get my head back into gear, it's nice to get to know other people and how they view life.

Well where do I go from here, I'm talking to J a lot more and putting a little more effort in to my business and hopefully by the end of May I should be back 100% developing software and designing websites, all I hope is that my problems I suffered earlier in the year have gone once and for all.

Long weekend ahead weather supposed to be good so I think a trip or two is in order and my trusty camera is coming as well so I'll post some more of my artistic images soon.

Bye for now ;)

Is it now weekly?

OK I just noticed that I have only posted once last week, maybe because I have been doing other stuff this seemed to take a back seat. Nothing to say about the office as it's the same old routine although KW has really calmed down and the stress levels have come down a notch.

Home life is good, we are now talking and getting on well together I'm in a more forgiving mood again and I'm really trying to forget the past and move forward, currently looking at my financial situation and opening up savings accounts and moving my portfolio around a bit which I have not done for the past two years also looking at moving nothing concrete but looking at prices.

There is a house in the centre of Barry which has 5 bedrooms, we know the house well as we used to live there and look after the children when their parents went to work, they both done night shifts. The house is big and we always fancied owning a house in that street but it was always out of our price range, but the house is back on the market and now within our budget.

But I'm not rushing into it, I need to make sure it's right to do this after everything that has gone on over the past few months. I'll keep you posted.

Megs is back from Spain tomorrow which will be nice as I have missed her and I need a hug & kiss. Seems the weather there has been hot and sunny, they rang just now and they are in the beer garden soaking up the sun.

Yesterday I ventured out and took J to Bath as she has been nagging me for ages to go there, I have some pictures of the roman baths which I'll post up sometime. The day was good apart from me falling ill just as we got there, god knows what happened but I had a funny turn in the gents and that put me off for the whole day. The weather was nice and warm so we done a lot of walking and the shops are really nice, small boutiques as well as the normal department stores but in Bath the buildings are all listed so the department stores look small from the outside as they have to keep the original fascias.

Anyway just got back from Tesco and I'm about to chill out for a bit then start the house work, this place needs a good scrub down.

Bye for now.

Life is good

Yeah baby!! well it's been a while but the holidays are now over and getting back down to work, I did manage to stay away from work for the whole Easter holiday although I did feel guilty as I really did not do much apart from veg out and watch TV. I felt like shit though. Do you find that? when you are not either physically or mentally active you get into a switch off mode and all your muscles start aching and boredom sets in.

Anyway, Megs is currently over in the house in Spain with her grandparents, reports are that it's hot and sunny and she has been in the sea two days running. Good for her I say, her Spanish is really coming on we had a good conversation over the phone in Spanish and she instigated it which was very good, our Spanish friends in the background loved it as you could here them clapping and praising Megan for her efforts, I reckon by next summer she will be a fluent Spanish speaker.

I think French is next, now I can't speak much French so I will have to start to learn, hey I'll be getting a job doing translations soon!! or getting a job in Spain with my company. (now that sounds good) oh and this is for KW, the secret you have been itching to find out about is that I can speak Spanish but it's still a secret as he does not read these blogs oh how good/bad am I.

"Cualquier manera que sea bastante de mí por tiempo de la esta noche para ir mirar a aprendiz en la televisión."

And for the non speaking public "Any way that's enough from me for tonight time to go and watch Apprentice on television."

Ta da! ;)

Oh and 'D' you still have a great smile even though we never talk anymore ;)

Happy Easter

Well I have managed to stay of the PC for two days and it's not been to bad, Friday I had a lazy day, didn't really do much went shopping and picked megs freind up for thier sleep over, they were up watching DVD's till 12.15am but they were quiet so can't complain.

Saturday they were up at 8.30am talking and playing, we decided to go down the lakes and took my camera so here are a few shots I took.




























































May pop out and do some more pice tomorrow as Megs is in Spain I have time to be alone and do some interesting stuff. Bye for now.

Realisation

OK I know it's Thursday and I have not been posting daily, but I'm finding working on computers is becoming a chore, I have now clocked up 4 years working in this converted bedroom every night and to say that it's got to me finally is an understatement.

I realised today that my eyes start to hurt, I loose my temper really quickly if things are not going right so I think this Easter break is time out from computers, well I'm going to try anyway I will probably post something here but NO WORK stuff.

Tonight I fancied pulling out a book putting the stereo on low and sitting reading and chilling but alas the thought was there but reality is I had to cook tea and play and talk to Megs, but all is not lost as next week Megs is off to the house in spain with her nan and bamps for the week so I will hopefully be able to come home from work by 3pm grab a book and read and do nothing until it's time to cook tea. I'm taking a break from all the computer work.

How I'm feeling well strangley really good, no arguments latley I feel more positive not 100% though but better, my mad few months has finally left my system although my special freind is still reeling from the episode and I still feel ashamed for what I did.

We now find it hard to talk to each other which I feel really guilty about as Christmas time everything was good, we communicated and talked about anything then I went in to the carzy mode I miss read every sign there was and put her through hell.

I did smile when she mentioned that she was expecting to come home to find an animal in the microwave oven. I had no idea how bad I was. It's really strange looking back as that is totally out of character I'm normally laid back and very freindly always happy to listen to people and give advise, but on this occasion I went off the rails and crashed and burned.

I suppose at the time my situation was a lot more intense than what I thought it was and looked for an escape route and unfortunatley my freind was the person I latched on to trying to create something that I really wanted and or needed.

Well I have learned a few harsh lessons beleive me, they do say freinds are the hardest to make and the easiest to loose and I can confirm how true that is. 'Oh boy'

Anyway, Megs has her best friend coming over to stay for a few days tomorrow so we are trying to plan some activities, I fancy grabbing the cameras and going over to the forest to take some snaps of the early spring wildlife, not sure if it happens but we'll see.

Sunday we have family coming over so that day is pretty much written off. Monday well Megs flys out at 8am to Spain which means me and 'J' are alone together for the first time in ages, nothing planned as yet but I think we need this time together to work out where to go from here. May be a trip in to town for a few drinks and a meal.

Next week I have a big meeting Tuesday with some suppliers which I'm looking forward to as I have not had a meeting with suppliers since I fell ill and went Part Time, it'll be interesting to see if I still have the business savvy to steer the meeting to what I want and not let them lead me away.

OK that's enough for today time to switch this baby off for a while and start to find a new lease of life doing something else for a while. (Ha we'll see if I can stay off a PC. anyone for a wager on this one?)

Result or is it....

Well I'm not so good at keeping this blog up to date latley, I have not had a good few days, yesterday was really bad suffering with depression, I have seen the doctor but these days they will not prescribe anything apart from exercise. Now I'm not the biggest fan of excersie apart from a game of squash once a week but even that has not happend for the past month or so.

I have a mountain bike sat in the shed just calling me to take it out for a run, I may even be brave and strap it to the back of the car over the long weekend and give it a blast through the forests. I suffer from procrastination, I put that down to depression which I would not wish on anyone.

Realised tonight that I don't enjoy building applications, how do I know this well, I was given a job today to do some work on a website and to do some art work for them, well I really enjoyed doing it and with that in mind my forte is deffinatley website design and build and not building applications. Problem is I have signed a two year contract for a aplication build how do I get myself out of it who knows!!

Feeling OK this evening, my freind has rang and is currently giving me the gossip on what happend over the weekend, he just keeps going back to when we were younger, I'm not sure where he is going with this but it's nice to go back in time. Although we don't talk about music like bloody Five star and 'Rain or Shine'.

In the office a team went out last Friday for a drink and there is gossip flying around the office that the team manager has had big words with her boss. Now as you know you should never talk shop when out socialising especially when alcahol has been consumed.

Anyway that was me on a soap box, makes abloody change me being on a soap box!!

Well weekend nearly over

Not much happend this weekend, Friday work pleasant suprise to see 'D' there, bet she was in no fit state by the end of Friday night with her night out. I didn't go out after all, I suppose I felt guilty going out twice in a month.

Friday night spent trying to work but ended up playing SIMS with Megs sat on my lap, it was good fun though.

Saturday was, well lets just say BORING, I find these days that I cannot sleep in so up and around by 8am but I Just could not get my head into gear, went to Tesco to do the weekly shop and that's about it, I'm so used to doing DIY on the weekends it's really strange not having my day planned.

Watched the film Hostage with Bruce Willis but to be honest I didn't find this one as good as his other films so only 7/10 for that one, good story but not enough action and by the middle of the film I had already worked out the ending. Good to watch if you have nothing better to do.

Today again up before 8am and wandering around like a lost sheep, got out of the house around 10.30am to pick up a new water filter for Megans fish tank but could not find the one I needed, I bought a good supply of filters a few weeks back but I just can't find a repalcement machine, the one we have at the moment is making a noice that drives me crazy I tried stripping it down but still making a noise.

It was nice driving around Cardiff on my own just thinking, pondering where my life is going now, what do I do, do I stay or do I go, if I go what will life be like.. umm I'm so chicken shit it's unreal. One day I'll decide hopefully it won't be to late that I can't enjoy what's left of my life.

Spent the afternoon scrubing the office and I mean scrubbing with bleach and scrub brushes, it looks and smells great but alas when Megs gets back in here it'll be a mess again I'm sure.

Anyway Megs is at her freinds house for a sleepover so I'll be rushing around in the morning picking her up to take to club as it's half term.

I'm thinking about seeing a counsellor to try and get my life back on track, I find at the moment I have no one to talk to and I'm really struggeling to get myself better, this weekend I have been feeling bad again, probably because I had little to do, I find if I'm not working my mind starts wandering and I start thinking of how much of a failure I've been, all the goals and dreams I had that have gone and I just can't get back into gear. I know I've probably put this down before but I want to keep track of my progress or lack of it.

Well there it is the weekend that was so shit it's not really worth writting about but hey I'm still alive (Just).

No logic!!

Why do people cross roads when there are subways right next to them? coming home tonight I was driving past city hall when I saw this elderly chap with a walking stick trying to walk accros the four lane road. I was shocked to see him struggle accros to the central island, I don't understand some peoples logic, exactly where he was crossing was the subway which would have meant a nice gentle stroll not a panic stricken man crossing a busy and fast flowing road.

Oh and I thought I let everyone know what our city hall looks like. So here it is in all it's glory! oh and a bit of goss here is where the Welsh Assembly should have been put and not spending millions on a building that looks like this..

So which looks better I'll let you decide, oops I touched politics which is really not my thing but the cost of this building was really wasted as the City Hall would have been the perfect home with the perfect surroundings.

Take a look at the whole building.






Quickly changing the subject how about seeing where I live or near enough anyway this is a view from just outside Megs school..









I must admit I love history and finding pictures of where I live I find fascinating so here is one of the top of my street back in 1890's and believe me when I say that if you stand in the exact spot where this picture was taken nothing has changed. Where the man is standing to the right which looks like a tent is now a workshop which is still set off the road like this picture. All the houses are still there today, all of them have been restored to the original building specs.




God I can go on all night looking and putting more up. I may find some more history of the place and post more in future but that's enough for now. This all started from the topic of a man crossing the road where am I going with all this.

I think it just confirms what Cath, a work colleague said today, "oh we can never understand Mark's logic" well I think this post proves I have no logic.

Anyway, it's 9.30 ish and it's time to shove off, although I did have more to say tonight but I have now forgotten all about it so until the next time if there is a next time bye bye xx

OK you have to see these

Sorry I was just reading a friends blog and clicked on a link. See what happens when glass is removed from a door. This will make you laugh.

And the best resignation letter ever, apart from who it was addressed to (Weird)

Latest things on my mind

Friends and how easy it is to lose them. Well I made some fundamental errors over the past few weeks/months and boy do I wish I could wind back the clock to Christmas time. But alas I can't and I'm not sure if I can win back a friendship.

How can you gain another persons confidence after doing silly things? can a friendship be re ignited? I wish I had the answers. At the moment I'm so embarrassed I just cannot talk to them the way I used to and like wise they are avoiding me and not saying anything which I kinda deserve, on reflection I let myself down and that of my friend. I suppose only time will tell on that matter.

Strange day today as my office is next door to the Hilton hotel where Gene Pitney passed away last night, I have listened to all the news and they say he was a fit man with no illness so it has been quite shocking to here of his death. But I must say that when it's my turn to go I would hope that it's in bed at home.

Watched a film over the weekend called The Butterfly Effect, I must admit the film is really good the title does not really do the film any justice although you can see why they called it that if you get what I mean. Anyway it's worth a watch at least once and I would give it 8/10.





'J' has been having a really bad time in work recently and is not happy at all, we were discussing options tonight and it could mean that I return full time, I'm not sure how I feel about that at the moment as I still have not got used to being Part Time and to be honest I struggle to get on with my own business when I get home.

I'm worried that I may become ill again if I return fulltime although part of me is screaming out to get a grip and return to my old job which means travelling around the country and holding meetings and generally being stressed 8-5 Mon-Fri. It has been nice finishing at 2.30pm but in real terms I still don't get home until 3.45pm after the school run, when I was full time I was in the house by 5.45pm so I have really not gained that much. Although being there for Megan has been great although I neglect her when I'm home as I need to work in the office and unless there is a computer game in the offing I won't see her for dust.

I bought SIMS2 over the weekend and must say it's a great game very addictive and Megs loves it check out their website for a taster. It really teaches the kids how to look after people, manage money although I would not give this to anyone younger than Megan as there is kissing and other stuff that younger people will not understand although Megs doesn't quite grasp the other stuff thank god!!

Any way that's enough from me today.

Money and what it means

I was reading a friends blog tonight and they were talking about money and the way we live our lives around the dreaded stuff, I for one have for many years been very money orientated and especially recently with my personal money issues and reading her blog has opened my eyes to the fact that why do we live our lives around money! why do we have to have the latest gadgets. I remember my late grand parents always saying to me save for items you want as you will appreciate them more and looking back on it I did.

How saving makes you appreciate things well I bought a bike for my paper round when I was 14 and although my grandparents subbed me some money the bulk of it I saved out of my paper round, and guess what I still have that bike and it's in great condition hanging in the loft, it's a Peugeot 10 gear racing bike made of light weight alloy, (I used to do bike racing when I was younger) but it highlighted the point because I saved hard for it I love the bike and will never let it go even though it's been hanging for over 10 years.

Now my computer, all of them I have never had to save for I have gone out and just bought them, and to I appreciate them as much, no because I did not put £50 away each month for it I have not got the same emotional attachment to it.

Over the weekend I went out and blew £50 on computer games, not that I buy many games this is the first in a few years but looking back on it I should have walked away or put £15 aside for them a month that way I think I would have appreciated them more.

Oh this could go one forever but my point is it's time to save and live the old life only buy items you really need and appreciate them more.

On the news tonight there was a story of the village in Somerset going green well have a look at this and tell me that this is not the way to go. Back to the old ways in a way, produce home grown and available at the local shop. This is the place I would love to live and bring up Megs.

Anyway lots of other stuff to talk about but running out of time. I'll pop back tomorrow with my movie of the weekend The Butterfly effect, more on the Da Vinci Code and lots more to get off my chest.

Yeah only two spelling mistakes tonight ooo arn't I doing well!!

A week on....

Well does a week go fast or what, a week of work, panic and work. Well the evenings were made up of not doing much trying to work but really not getting far, so gave up around Wednesday and have been playing a computer game ever since.

The office has been quiet, KW left for NY on Tuesday and yes I did get the picture and here it is KW taking a pic on his phone of the camera to show us when he gets back nest week.

if you want to see the live cam then click here.

My friend has been away all week which I hope has helped them and that they are now working towards a brighter future together, me well I was always on the outside so nothing more to say on this. Although I'm still ashamed of what I did and I'm not sure if 'D' will ever speak to me again, next week will tell. But I wouldn't blame her one bit if she ignored me.

Went out last Saturday to Tiger Tiger and that was good, just getting out and meeting different people was great had a few glasses of red wine but stayed sober, met some great people and had a laugh, I noticed that some of my personal items at home had be gone through but didn't mention it, 'J' mentioned on Sunday that she had a good look around as she does not trust me and was jealous of my Saturday night out she admitted that if I had left my phone at home she would have gone through that as well. Sorry love to disappoint, but I will be going out again and will meet even more people.

How I'm feeling right now, well better than I was last week, although I would love to go out again for a drink but I better not don't want to upset the apple cart.

Meg's was sent home ill from school yesterday so I left work at 11.30am and had to work from home whilst trying to care for an 8 year old with a temperature of '102' she was great though very little complaining, although she did ask this morning if I could work at home rather than go to the office but explained that her grampy was coming and that was enough. OK daddy shall I pack your bag for you? he he. kids eh!

Tonight she asked to spend quality time with me tomorrow, I asked what she meant and the response was going to a coffee shop for a drink and a chat, she has been watching far too much TV.

Anyway, that's enough from sad old me talking to myself. Cheer up son it'll never happen ;)