Creativity!

Hello, I'm back. I have been sitting here today trying to get my creativity back, reading information about CSS web design and a little spark has arrived, I remember why I was good at web design about 18months ago and that's because I was always reading stuff, books. magazines the lot. I have not read a topic orientated book for over a year and that's why the buzz has gone.

Example I have built a large application for the office which I really took for granted and it was only yesterday that people really started to sing it's praises. This application sits on the main office server and also on the laptops that people take out to suppliers of ours, it holds a vast amount of details and statistics. Anyway I rambling. The MD emailed me and asked for a certain type of report which was complicated to say the least so what did I do reach for my trusted books which I have not opened for over a year and low and behold I found what I was looking for and the report was programmed and tested and WORKED within 15 mins.

So there we have it the reason I have been negative regarding my own business is not researching properly and reading the material I need to get the job done.

Anyway back to my normal blog, I'm feeling OK at the moment it's been nice at home a lot of that is down to me being more positive towards J and our relationship and not looking outside to fuel my negative side. I have read a lot of blog lately and some of them have really helped me to get my head back into gear, it's nice to get to know other people and how they view life.

Well where do I go from here, I'm talking to J a lot more and putting a little more effort in to my business and hopefully by the end of May I should be back 100% developing software and designing websites, all I hope is that my problems I suffered earlier in the year have gone once and for all.

Long weekend ahead weather supposed to be good so I think a trip or two is in order and my trusty camera is coming as well so I'll post some more of my artistic images soon.

Bye for now ;)

Is it now weekly?

OK I just noticed that I have only posted once last week, maybe because I have been doing other stuff this seemed to take a back seat. Nothing to say about the office as it's the same old routine although KW has really calmed down and the stress levels have come down a notch.

Home life is good, we are now talking and getting on well together I'm in a more forgiving mood again and I'm really trying to forget the past and move forward, currently looking at my financial situation and opening up savings accounts and moving my portfolio around a bit which I have not done for the past two years also looking at moving nothing concrete but looking at prices.

There is a house in the centre of Barry which has 5 bedrooms, we know the house well as we used to live there and look after the children when their parents went to work, they both done night shifts. The house is big and we always fancied owning a house in that street but it was always out of our price range, but the house is back on the market and now within our budget.

But I'm not rushing into it, I need to make sure it's right to do this after everything that has gone on over the past few months. I'll keep you posted.

Megs is back from Spain tomorrow which will be nice as I have missed her and I need a hug & kiss. Seems the weather there has been hot and sunny, they rang just now and they are in the beer garden soaking up the sun.

Yesterday I ventured out and took J to Bath as she has been nagging me for ages to go there, I have some pictures of the roman baths which I'll post up sometime. The day was good apart from me falling ill just as we got there, god knows what happened but I had a funny turn in the gents and that put me off for the whole day. The weather was nice and warm so we done a lot of walking and the shops are really nice, small boutiques as well as the normal department stores but in Bath the buildings are all listed so the department stores look small from the outside as they have to keep the original fascias.

Anyway just got back from Tesco and I'm about to chill out for a bit then start the house work, this place needs a good scrub down.

Bye for now.

Life is good

Yeah baby!! well it's been a while but the holidays are now over and getting back down to work, I did manage to stay away from work for the whole Easter holiday although I did feel guilty as I really did not do much apart from veg out and watch TV. I felt like shit though. Do you find that? when you are not either physically or mentally active you get into a switch off mode and all your muscles start aching and boredom sets in.

Anyway, Megs is currently over in the house in Spain with her grandparents, reports are that it's hot and sunny and she has been in the sea two days running. Good for her I say, her Spanish is really coming on we had a good conversation over the phone in Spanish and she instigated it which was very good, our Spanish friends in the background loved it as you could here them clapping and praising Megan for her efforts, I reckon by next summer she will be a fluent Spanish speaker.

I think French is next, now I can't speak much French so I will have to start to learn, hey I'll be getting a job doing translations soon!! or getting a job in Spain with my company. (now that sounds good) oh and this is for KW, the secret you have been itching to find out about is that I can speak Spanish but it's still a secret as he does not read these blogs oh how good/bad am I.

"Cualquier manera que sea bastante de mí por tiempo de la esta noche para ir mirar a aprendiz en la televisión."

And for the non speaking public "Any way that's enough from me for tonight time to go and watch Apprentice on television."

Ta da! ;)

Oh and 'D' you still have a great smile even though we never talk anymore ;)

Happy Easter

Well I have managed to stay of the PC for two days and it's not been to bad, Friday I had a lazy day, didn't really do much went shopping and picked megs freind up for thier sleep over, they were up watching DVD's till 12.15am but they were quiet so can't complain.

Saturday they were up at 8.30am talking and playing, we decided to go down the lakes and took my camera so here are a few shots I took.




























































May pop out and do some more pice tomorrow as Megs is in Spain I have time to be alone and do some interesting stuff. Bye for now.

Realisation

OK I know it's Thursday and I have not been posting daily, but I'm finding working on computers is becoming a chore, I have now clocked up 4 years working in this converted bedroom every night and to say that it's got to me finally is an understatement.

I realised today that my eyes start to hurt, I loose my temper really quickly if things are not going right so I think this Easter break is time out from computers, well I'm going to try anyway I will probably post something here but NO WORK stuff.

Tonight I fancied pulling out a book putting the stereo on low and sitting reading and chilling but alas the thought was there but reality is I had to cook tea and play and talk to Megs, but all is not lost as next week Megs is off to the house in spain with her nan and bamps for the week so I will hopefully be able to come home from work by 3pm grab a book and read and do nothing until it's time to cook tea. I'm taking a break from all the computer work.

How I'm feeling well strangley really good, no arguments latley I feel more positive not 100% though but better, my mad few months has finally left my system although my special freind is still reeling from the episode and I still feel ashamed for what I did.

We now find it hard to talk to each other which I feel really guilty about as Christmas time everything was good, we communicated and talked about anything then I went in to the carzy mode I miss read every sign there was and put her through hell.

I did smile when she mentioned that she was expecting to come home to find an animal in the microwave oven. I had no idea how bad I was. It's really strange looking back as that is totally out of character I'm normally laid back and very freindly always happy to listen to people and give advise, but on this occasion I went off the rails and crashed and burned.

I suppose at the time my situation was a lot more intense than what I thought it was and looked for an escape route and unfortunatley my freind was the person I latched on to trying to create something that I really wanted and or needed.

Well I have learned a few harsh lessons beleive me, they do say freinds are the hardest to make and the easiest to loose and I can confirm how true that is. 'Oh boy'

Anyway, Megs has her best friend coming over to stay for a few days tomorrow so we are trying to plan some activities, I fancy grabbing the cameras and going over to the forest to take some snaps of the early spring wildlife, not sure if it happens but we'll see.

Sunday we have family coming over so that day is pretty much written off. Monday well Megs flys out at 8am to Spain which means me and 'J' are alone together for the first time in ages, nothing planned as yet but I think we need this time together to work out where to go from here. May be a trip in to town for a few drinks and a meal.

Next week I have a big meeting Tuesday with some suppliers which I'm looking forward to as I have not had a meeting with suppliers since I fell ill and went Part Time, it'll be interesting to see if I still have the business savvy to steer the meeting to what I want and not let them lead me away.

OK that's enough for today time to switch this baby off for a while and start to find a new lease of life doing something else for a while. (Ha we'll see if I can stay off a PC. anyone for a wager on this one?)

Result or is it....

Well I'm not so good at keeping this blog up to date latley, I have not had a good few days, yesterday was really bad suffering with depression, I have seen the doctor but these days they will not prescribe anything apart from exercise. Now I'm not the biggest fan of excersie apart from a game of squash once a week but even that has not happend for the past month or so.

I have a mountain bike sat in the shed just calling me to take it out for a run, I may even be brave and strap it to the back of the car over the long weekend and give it a blast through the forests. I suffer from procrastination, I put that down to depression which I would not wish on anyone.

Realised tonight that I don't enjoy building applications, how do I know this well, I was given a job today to do some work on a website and to do some art work for them, well I really enjoyed doing it and with that in mind my forte is deffinatley website design and build and not building applications. Problem is I have signed a two year contract for a aplication build how do I get myself out of it who knows!!

Feeling OK this evening, my freind has rang and is currently giving me the gossip on what happend over the weekend, he just keeps going back to when we were younger, I'm not sure where he is going with this but it's nice to go back in time. Although we don't talk about music like bloody Five star and 'Rain or Shine'.

In the office a team went out last Friday for a drink and there is gossip flying around the office that the team manager has had big words with her boss. Now as you know you should never talk shop when out socialising especially when alcahol has been consumed.

Anyway that was me on a soap box, makes abloody change me being on a soap box!!

Well weekend nearly over

Not much happend this weekend, Friday work pleasant suprise to see 'D' there, bet she was in no fit state by the end of Friday night with her night out. I didn't go out after all, I suppose I felt guilty going out twice in a month.

Friday night spent trying to work but ended up playing SIMS with Megs sat on my lap, it was good fun though.

Saturday was, well lets just say BORING, I find these days that I cannot sleep in so up and around by 8am but I Just could not get my head into gear, went to Tesco to do the weekly shop and that's about it, I'm so used to doing DIY on the weekends it's really strange not having my day planned.

Watched the film Hostage with Bruce Willis but to be honest I didn't find this one as good as his other films so only 7/10 for that one, good story but not enough action and by the middle of the film I had already worked out the ending. Good to watch if you have nothing better to do.

Today again up before 8am and wandering around like a lost sheep, got out of the house around 10.30am to pick up a new water filter for Megans fish tank but could not find the one I needed, I bought a good supply of filters a few weeks back but I just can't find a repalcement machine, the one we have at the moment is making a noice that drives me crazy I tried stripping it down but still making a noise.

It was nice driving around Cardiff on my own just thinking, pondering where my life is going now, what do I do, do I stay or do I go, if I go what will life be like.. umm I'm so chicken shit it's unreal. One day I'll decide hopefully it won't be to late that I can't enjoy what's left of my life.

Spent the afternoon scrubing the office and I mean scrubbing with bleach and scrub brushes, it looks and smells great but alas when Megs gets back in here it'll be a mess again I'm sure.

Anyway Megs is at her freinds house for a sleepover so I'll be rushing around in the morning picking her up to take to club as it's half term.

I'm thinking about seeing a counsellor to try and get my life back on track, I find at the moment I have no one to talk to and I'm really struggeling to get myself better, this weekend I have been feeling bad again, probably because I had little to do, I find if I'm not working my mind starts wandering and I start thinking of how much of a failure I've been, all the goals and dreams I had that have gone and I just can't get back into gear. I know I've probably put this down before but I want to keep track of my progress or lack of it.

Well there it is the weekend that was so shit it's not really worth writting about but hey I'm still alive (Just).

No logic!!

Why do people cross roads when there are subways right next to them? coming home tonight I was driving past city hall when I saw this elderly chap with a walking stick trying to walk accros the four lane road. I was shocked to see him struggle accros to the central island, I don't understand some peoples logic, exactly where he was crossing was the subway which would have meant a nice gentle stroll not a panic stricken man crossing a busy and fast flowing road.

Oh and I thought I let everyone know what our city hall looks like. So here it is in all it's glory! oh and a bit of goss here is where the Welsh Assembly should have been put and not spending millions on a building that looks like this..

So which looks better I'll let you decide, oops I touched politics which is really not my thing but the cost of this building was really wasted as the City Hall would have been the perfect home with the perfect surroundings.

Take a look at the whole building.






Quickly changing the subject how about seeing where I live or near enough anyway this is a view from just outside Megs school..









I must admit I love history and finding pictures of where I live I find fascinating so here is one of the top of my street back in 1890's and believe me when I say that if you stand in the exact spot where this picture was taken nothing has changed. Where the man is standing to the right which looks like a tent is now a workshop which is still set off the road like this picture. All the houses are still there today, all of them have been restored to the original building specs.




God I can go on all night looking and putting more up. I may find some more history of the place and post more in future but that's enough for now. This all started from the topic of a man crossing the road where am I going with all this.

I think it just confirms what Cath, a work colleague said today, "oh we can never understand Mark's logic" well I think this post proves I have no logic.

Anyway, it's 9.30 ish and it's time to shove off, although I did have more to say tonight but I have now forgotten all about it so until the next time if there is a next time bye bye xx

OK you have to see these

Sorry I was just reading a friends blog and clicked on a link. See what happens when glass is removed from a door. This will make you laugh.

And the best resignation letter ever, apart from who it was addressed to (Weird)

Latest things on my mind

Friends and how easy it is to lose them. Well I made some fundamental errors over the past few weeks/months and boy do I wish I could wind back the clock to Christmas time. But alas I can't and I'm not sure if I can win back a friendship.

How can you gain another persons confidence after doing silly things? can a friendship be re ignited? I wish I had the answers. At the moment I'm so embarrassed I just cannot talk to them the way I used to and like wise they are avoiding me and not saying anything which I kinda deserve, on reflection I let myself down and that of my friend. I suppose only time will tell on that matter.

Strange day today as my office is next door to the Hilton hotel where Gene Pitney passed away last night, I have listened to all the news and they say he was a fit man with no illness so it has been quite shocking to here of his death. But I must say that when it's my turn to go I would hope that it's in bed at home.

Watched a film over the weekend called The Butterfly Effect, I must admit the film is really good the title does not really do the film any justice although you can see why they called it that if you get what I mean. Anyway it's worth a watch at least once and I would give it 8/10.





'J' has been having a really bad time in work recently and is not happy at all, we were discussing options tonight and it could mean that I return full time, I'm not sure how I feel about that at the moment as I still have not got used to being Part Time and to be honest I struggle to get on with my own business when I get home.

I'm worried that I may become ill again if I return fulltime although part of me is screaming out to get a grip and return to my old job which means travelling around the country and holding meetings and generally being stressed 8-5 Mon-Fri. It has been nice finishing at 2.30pm but in real terms I still don't get home until 3.45pm after the school run, when I was full time I was in the house by 5.45pm so I have really not gained that much. Although being there for Megan has been great although I neglect her when I'm home as I need to work in the office and unless there is a computer game in the offing I won't see her for dust.

I bought SIMS2 over the weekend and must say it's a great game very addictive and Megs loves it check out their website for a taster. It really teaches the kids how to look after people, manage money although I would not give this to anyone younger than Megan as there is kissing and other stuff that younger people will not understand although Megs doesn't quite grasp the other stuff thank god!!

Any way that's enough from me today.

Money and what it means

I was reading a friends blog tonight and they were talking about money and the way we live our lives around the dreaded stuff, I for one have for many years been very money orientated and especially recently with my personal money issues and reading her blog has opened my eyes to the fact that why do we live our lives around money! why do we have to have the latest gadgets. I remember my late grand parents always saying to me save for items you want as you will appreciate them more and looking back on it I did.

How saving makes you appreciate things well I bought a bike for my paper round when I was 14 and although my grandparents subbed me some money the bulk of it I saved out of my paper round, and guess what I still have that bike and it's in great condition hanging in the loft, it's a Peugeot 10 gear racing bike made of light weight alloy, (I used to do bike racing when I was younger) but it highlighted the point because I saved hard for it I love the bike and will never let it go even though it's been hanging for over 10 years.

Now my computer, all of them I have never had to save for I have gone out and just bought them, and to I appreciate them as much, no because I did not put £50 away each month for it I have not got the same emotional attachment to it.

Over the weekend I went out and blew £50 on computer games, not that I buy many games this is the first in a few years but looking back on it I should have walked away or put £15 aside for them a month that way I think I would have appreciated them more.

Oh this could go one forever but my point is it's time to save and live the old life only buy items you really need and appreciate them more.

On the news tonight there was a story of the village in Somerset going green well have a look at this and tell me that this is not the way to go. Back to the old ways in a way, produce home grown and available at the local shop. This is the place I would love to live and bring up Megs.

Anyway lots of other stuff to talk about but running out of time. I'll pop back tomorrow with my movie of the weekend The Butterfly effect, more on the Da Vinci Code and lots more to get off my chest.

Yeah only two spelling mistakes tonight ooo arn't I doing well!!